Time For Questions
by LisaAbiona15
Summary: Artemis Fowl the second, the smartest child ever, wakes up in a strange room. Together with some of his fairy friends. And if that isn't strange enough, someone wants to interview them. What does this person wants to know from him and his friends? Interview, story, with various characters of Artemis Fowl, including dead ones like Julius Root and Raine Vinyaya. Rated T to be sure.
1. Captured

**Hi everyone! I like Artemis Fowl a lot and decided to write a fanfic about him. I just like the series:D I will do some questions, but you can sent in questions as well. The first chapter, I will come up with all the questions. And the rest, you have to ask. This means, it can take me quite some time to update if I don't get that much questions. I might add some myself thought. Enjoy!**

Artemis opened his eyes and groaned. His head hurt. A lot. Like he had walked against a wall. Or drunk too much and got an hangover. Not that Artemis Fowl knew how that felt, but he had read about it. And his father had had a few hangovers. So he imagined it would feel like this.

He looked around, even that tiny movement caused a lot of pain, and noticed he was in an house. A house he didn't recognize. And he was tied to a chair. _This chair is highly uncomfortable. _The young genius thought. True enough, the chair wasn't exactly comfortable. And it didn't help Artemis still had a major headache. _Ouch. The pain from this headache is truly excruciating. Why do I even have an headache? _Artemis thought.

Even thinking hurt. But since thinking was pretty much all Artemis was capable off, he kept thinking. _Try to think past the pain. There is no pain. I'm stronger than the pain. _Artemis thought. Butler had learned him this and Artemis agreed it could work. The human mind worked like that; if you convince yourself there is no pain, there wouldn't be any pain. Except Artemis was too logical and a voice in his head kept screaming; of course there is pain! You have been kidnapped. From this we can concluse, you have likely been hit. Since you can't remember anything, you might have a minor concusion. Whoever kidnapped you, has got past Butler. You are in some serious trouble. Artemis agreed with the annoying voice. Even when it concerned him a little he heard voices in his head.

He decided just to focus on escaping. He examined the room. It wasn't really large. Apart from the chair Artemis was tied to, there were two couches. Made of leather Artemis noticed. There was also a tv, a plasma tv. Artemis saw some carpets and at the wall hung paintings. Artemis frowned, causing him to cry out in pain, when he saw the subject of those paintings. Fairies. _Is that where this about. Do my nemeses desire information about the fairies? Do they know my secrets? _Artemis decided that would be one option, but it could also be some old nemesis wanting revenge. This might be just a kidnapping for revenge. Not to learn all the secrets of the fairies. Artemis calmed himself down, repeating no one _could_ know. It was impossible someone had found out.

All those positive thoughts left his mind when a lifeless creature was carried into the room. Small, with auburn hair and one blue and one hazelnut eye, Artemis recognized her immediately. " Holly.." he whispered. For once, Artemis couldn't think. He felt completely helpless, devastated even , when he saw his best friend being tied to a chair. It didn't last long. Artemis soon realized this was the time to gather some information. " Hello there, is it possible to have a conversation"? he asked the man who was tying Holly to her chair. The man turned towards him. Artemis smiled, his vampire smile. "Good. Now, what do you want from us? What profit do you hope to get from this situation"? he asked the man.

The man looked at him and walked towards him, looking as his chair. Artemis smiled when the man came closer, expecting him to untie him. His smile turned into a frown when the man did the opposite; he ran an extra rope around Artemis' arms secured it to the back of his chair. "Wasn't enough. Could still escape" Artemis thought he heard him mumble.

Artemis sighed; he understood the man wasn't really able to have a conversation. He looked like a robot, with that empty glance in his eyes. Like he wasn't really alive. No emotions. Or any indication of life, really.

The man walked away, not once looking at Artemis. Like he hadn't really noticed Artemis. Artemis sighed. The man wasn't going to help him, so much was clear. He had to find a way to escape himself. But even if he could get free, which would take time if he could get free, he still needed a plan to take his friends with him. The best option was, Artemis decided, to just wait. Even when the chair was extremely uncomfortable and he , and his friends, might be in danger.

Artemis took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Panic wouldn't help, it would only make things worse. And he had been in situations worse than this, he could handle it. If he just knew where he was. That would help. any information would be great, really. Like why they were here. Who had brought them here. How they had got past Butler...

He looked at Holly, who was still unconscious. He saw she was breathing, steady and calm. _Someone hit her, just like they did with me. Someone wanted us together here. But why? _Artemis thought.

He _really_ didn't like that there was so much uncertain. That there were so much questions and so little answers. Uncertainty was something Artemis Fowl didn't experience often, being the genius he was.

He examined the room again, but didn't see anything. Except all the furniture was very expensive. Whoever owned this place, that person was rich. _It could be about fairies. But if they already have Holly, why do they need me? _Artemis pondered.

He didn't know, there were too many options and he didn't have enough information. So he tried to relax and hoped he would get a chance to gain information and escape. Precisely ten minutes later, Artemis had been counting, the man walked into the room again. He brought a wheelchair with him and to Artemis' consternation, Foaly was in it. _Completely illogical. That wheelchair is not big enough for Foaly _were Artemis' first thoughts. But then he thought back to all he had seen the past years. Most of it was completely illogical too. There would be an explanation for this, too.

Artemis focused on the unconcious centaur. He didn't move , but Artemis saw his chest rise. He was alive. _Me, Holly and Foaly. What do we have in common? What makes us valuable? _Artemis thought, still trying to find a clue. Something that would give him an idea where he was and how to escape. _Foaly is a brilliant inventor, just like me. And Holly is a formidable fighter. _Artemis thought, but he just didn't know. He would have to wait and see. He didn't even try to talk to the man. He knew that wouldn't have any result. It would be futile.

When the man was gone, he focused on Holly. He needed Foaly and Holly to be conscious again, so they could talk and find out where exactly they were. Maybe one of them knew what had happened. " Holly? Holly! Holly, wake up!" Artemis tried. Holly stirred, but didn't open her eyes. He tried it again, louder this time. " HOLLY! WAKE UP" he yelled. Finally, and very slowly I might add, Holly opened her eyes. She looked around, her eyes brightening in a second. Being the soldier she was, Holly didn't ponder about the question _why_ she was here. She focused on Artemis. " Any escape routes? Or information about who kidnapped us?" she asked him, her voice calm.

Artemis shook his head. He was really relieved she was awake. He needed her. " I am not convinced of the culprit, but this situation could have something to do with the existence of fairies. Study all those posters and painting on the wallls, and you will have to conclude they all have one subject; Fairies. Further more, there are no escape routes expect from that locked door. We will need to break these chains, find the key and escape the house. That will be complicated since we don't posses a map from this house. Foaly can't help us, because he is still unconscious. And every ten minutes, I have been counting, a man checks on us. Or brings in a new captive" Artemis told her. Holly nodded, her face grim. " Then we will have to wait for the right moment" she simply said.

Artemis was _really_ glad she was on his side at this particular moment. She looked ready to kill anyone who had brought her here. Holly short might be small, but that didn't mean she wasn't dangerous. To be honest, Artemis didn't know what was worse. Fighting a troll or Holly. _A troll might be incredibly strong, big and hard to kill, but Holly Short is a formidable opponent. She always strikes when you least expect it, often a strike that means the end of all your little plans. _Artemis pondered about this. What would have happened if they had been enemies instead of allies again? That would-" Artemis!". Holly's voice brought him back to the situation at hand.

Artemis blinked twice, before focusing on her. " Yes, what do you require Holly?" he asked. Holly snorted. " For you to remain focused. I'm sure that enormous brain of yours has already looked at all the options, but there will be new ones. When does that man come back?" she asked him. " In four minutes and 23 seconds he will be back, if he is punctual of course. The last two times he was, so we have no reason to suspect he won't be" Artemis responded. He had been counting, even when his thoughts had been elsewhere.

Holly smirked, a smirk that could compete with Artemis notorious vampire smirk. " Good. In a few minutes, he will have a very unpleasant suprise" she said. Artemis didn't state the obvious; how she could do anything while she was tied up. He knew Holly well enough to know she would think of something. " We have to be careful though. There is something off about this man. He doesn't seem to react to any form of conversation. He just comes in, ties up someone, and leaves. It's almost like he is a robot. He could be mesmerized of course, but I didn't see a sign of that" Artemis said. Holly nodded. " We will see. He can come in any moment and-". " OH MY GOSH! HOW GREAT TO SEE YOU ALL" someone suddenly squaled.

Before Artemis could react to that, someone flung towards him and hugged him. Really tight. When the person pulled back, Artemis saw it was a girl. She looked about fifteen and was tall for her age, with blond hair and big, turquoise eyes. She wore glasses and had a noticebook with her, which was now on the ground. She stooped and picked it up.

With her notebook, and a pen, in her hands, she smiled at him. " I'm so glad to see you! I can't believe it's actually you! Artemis Fowl, in my house" she said. Artemis' only reaction to that was raising his eyebrows. " So you have kidnapped us? Why? What is your purpose? World domination? Classified information about the LEP? Ranson?" The girl smiled. " Of course not! I don't want world domination, too much work. I would like it, but I do not even comprehend how I would dominate the world if I kidnapped you three. All I want is an interview" she said. Artemis heard Holly snicker. " And what happened to just _asking_ "?

The girl turned towards her, still smiling. " I could ask, but this was easier. And more fun!" she exclaimed. Holly stared at her, obviously thinking the girl was crazy. Artemis' thoughts were proved correct when Holly spoke. " You're crazy" she muttered. The girl shrugged. " My parents believe so. They think I am reading too much and have to talk more to people. But I always say; the crazier, the better. I mean, if you are crazy, you have more fun". Holly raised her eyebrows. " And how, apart from kidnapping people, do you have fun?". The girl smiled. " I like reading, writing and horseriding. Oh and martial arts, of course. And I enjoy archery a lot. But I'm the interviewer, not you. So, leave asking questions to me, all right?". Holly smiled. " Of course. _Except you don't want to ask questions, do you? You want to let us go and sleep. And while you sleep, forget everything you know about the people. It will all be just a weird dream_" Holly said, trying to mesmerize the girl. The girl rolled her eyes. " Nice try, captain Short, but it won't do. I'm absolutely immune. So stop wasting energy and magic already" she said.

Holly stared at her. " That's impossible". The girl shrugged. " No, it isn't. Just try to relax, captain Short , because you will be here some time and-". " How do know our names and titles?" Artemis interrupted. The girl smiled at him. " Because I'm an huge fan of your serie! Oh and because I know your name, you can know mine. Well, it isn't my true name, but I use it a lot. You can call me Zaahira. Nice to meet you Artemis Fowl and Holly Short". Artemis frowned. _True name? Serie? D'arvit, this girl is crazy. _" I know I am! Isn't it great?" Zaahira suddenly said. Artemis stared at her. " Do you have some ability to read minds?" he asked, suddenly intrigued. Maybe there was some way to make profit from this situation.

Zaahira nodded. " I can read minds, hypnotize people and levitate, to name some of my abilities. Amazing, don't you think?". Zaahira pulled out a chair and sat down. " But enough about me, and back to you two. I want to know everything!". Holly and Artemis exchanged looks. This person might be dangerous, that was sure. Better play along with it Artemis thought. So he smiled, as far as he was able to smile in the situation he was in, and nodded. " _Naturellement. _I will retord your questions. May I point out , this chair is really uncomfortable? If this interview takes some time, I need something more comfortable". Zaahira smiled. " Bien entendu. I will arrange that immediately. I don't want you to experience any pain".

She snapped her fingers and Artemis' chair changed into a very comfortable lounge chair. He was still tied up, but it didn't hurt anymore. _Fascinating. This seemingly ordinary girl, has some extraordinary abilities. I have to discover more about it. _Artemis thought. Zaahira turned towards Holly. " And I don't want you to be uncomfortable either" she said. " No worries. It's not like I'm captured by some crazy person. _Again_" she said. Zaahira chuckled. " I only like sarcasm, so if you intend to annoy me, it isn't working" she said and snapped her fingers. Holly's chair immediately changed into a very comfortable lounge chair. She was still tied up, tighter than Artemis, but at least, she was more comfortable now.

Zaahira smiled and rubbed her hands. " All right! Let's begin the interview". Artemis looked at Foaly, who was still unconscious. "What about Foaly? He is still unconscious. Where did you get that wheelchair, it's a very exceptional design".Zaahira blinked. " We sto- borrowed it from Chiron, when we had an interview with him". Holly raised her eyebrows. " Borrowed? Stole, you mean! And who is this Chiron. And why are you refering to yourself with we? And- MMM". Holly's question were stopped when Zaahira made a bowl of truffles appear and stuffed Holly's mouth with it. " Try to chew before you swallow it" she advised Holly.

She turned towards Artemis. " Want any?". Artemis shook his head. " No, I prefer sophisticated dishes, like caviar". Zaahira wrinkled her nose. " I don't understand why anyone would like to eat fish eggs, but you're my guest, so there you go". She snapped her fingers, and the table was filled with caviar, lobster and other dishes. " We have Matsutake mushrooms, Westin hotel bagel, Zillian Dollar Lobster Frittata, Craftsteak's Wagyu Ribeye Steak, Bombay Brassiere's Samundari Khazana Curry,Domenico Crolla's Pizza Royale 007, Densuke Black Watermelon, Yubari King Melons, Almas Caviar and Italian White Alba Truffle. You, being the very _sophisticated _you are, are well aware of the fact these are the ten most expensive dishes of the world. Good enough?".

Artemis smirked. " My hands are bound. You will have to untie me". Zaahira rolled her eyes. " I'm not that stupid. And we both know, I don't have to". She snapped her fingers and the man Artemis had seen walked inside the room. Zaahira looked at Artemis again. " I reckon you have met Harkat? He is a present from my uncle, Desmond Tiny. My favorite uncle. Desmond made Harkat himself. Isn't it great? Such a good servant. He will feed you. Just say what you want and Harkat will give it to you". Artemis looked at the so-called Harkat. " Fascinating. Like Frankenstein? Excuse me, but I don't believe it. Your uncle hasn't made this person, I don't believe it". Zaahira shrugged. " Some things you consider impossible, are very possible. I thought you knew that by now". Artemis didn't say anything; he knew she was right.

So instead of wasting energy with a respond, he studied Harkat and realized something. The skin of the man was a mix of blue and grey. He didn't really have a nose, more a hole. And he had various scarrs on his arms and legs. And on his broad forehead. " Very well. I will consider the posibillity your uncle has been able to create an human. Or something that resembles it. And-". " Oh, but i never stated he was _human_. My uncle doesn't really like humans, unlike my father. He sees them as toys, enjoys their horror and pain. That's all". " What about you? What is your opinion?" Holly, who had managed to swallow the truffels, asked.

Zaahira smiled. " I like humans or Mudmen ,like your call them, a lot. I have been raised by two of them actually. But back to the interview"! she said. Holly tried to say something, but when zaahira looked at the truffels, she decided to shut up. One time was enough. Artemis wanted to say something too, but he shut up when Zaahira glanced at him. " All right, now you two finally decided to answer my questions, I will start".

She took one truffel and put in her mouth, smiling. Harkat gave Artemis some _very_ expensive caviar and Holly some vegatbles, all without any chemicals. She had no idea where they came from, but they tasted great. Zaahira looked up from her noticebook and smiled at them. She crossed her legs and folded her arms in her lap. " First question. Are you two _ever_ going to realize you should be a couple?". Holly stared at her, speechless. She opened her mouth, but closed it immediately. Even Artemis looked stunned.

Zaahira sighed. " Well? It's an easy question. I mean, it's obvious you two want more than friendship and Artemis is smart enough to come with a solution to the problem of cross species, so all it really takes is the realization of you two". " I'm a lot older than Artemis, you _are_ aware of that?" Holly asked. Zaahira, eating another truffle, snorted. " Oh please, spare me! That's a really stupid excuse. Where are you afraid of, captain Short? We all know the Mudman, aka Artemis, likes you. And you like him enough to kiss him, and start crying when he almost died, and forgive him every time, so where are you waiting for?".

Holly stared at Zaahira, blushing a little. " I only kissed him, because I was confused! I wouldn't kiss him again". Zaahira made a notition. " Captain Short isn't ready to accept her feelings for Artemis Fowl, but that won't last long" she muttered. " I don't _have_ any feelings for Artemis!" Holly protested. " And a relationship between me and Holly won't work" Artemis said, recovered from his little shock. " The species problem might be able to solve, but there are other problems. Like Holly already stated, the age difference. I personally don't mind she is so much older, because that aren't human years. But she will age slower, so that would be a problem. No one would accept our relationship and Holly might even get exiled, which would be horrible. I would never do that to her. And the height difference, that's another big problem. We-". " Ah. The height difference. My favorite one".

She smiled misschieviously and bended towards Holly. " don't you think that is something positive instead of negative? I mean, of course it will be annoying at times. But imagine when you're sleeping with him! I mean, a certain part of his body will be very big compared to that of the elves you're used to. And you know what they say don't you? Bigger is better".

Holly stared at her, blushing. Artemis frowned. He hadn't heard the conversation, but he saw Holly blushing. And her gaze lingered at his lap for a moment, which made her blush even more before she turned away. Artemis couldn't remember Holly had blushed before, so Zaahira must have said something very odd. " Where were you talking about?" he asked Zaahira. Zaahira smiled at him, sitting in her chair as before. " Your dick" she responded, smiling broadly.

When Artemis looked stunned, she decided she had to explain, which made matters only worse for Artemis and Holly, of course. " You see, I'm sure you have read about sex. So you know how it works, right? Anyway, thanks to the height difference, even if yours is small, compared to other elves, it will be big. _Very _big. And-". She stopped when Holly made a little sound, like an hurt animal. " What's wrong Holly?". " I want you to stop talking about _that_. " Holly responded, shivering. Zaahira smiled. " Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?". Holly nodded. " Of course it does! I don't want to discuss _that_ part of Artemis'body". Zaahira nodded. " Aha, I understand. so you want to discuss another part of Artemis' body? Like his chest? Or his hair? Or his eyes, who are really beautiful. And one of them is yours! Or his ass? Does he has a nice ass"? she said.

By this time, there was no doubt; Holly was blushing. She hold a slight resemblence with a tomato actually. Artemis looked even paler than normal and his entire body, which Zaahira was talking about, was tense. Holly grunted. " Stop it! I _don't _want to talk about Artemis, our relationship and his body. And I certainly don't want to talk about his gorgeous ass" she said, trembling a little. Zaahira smiled. " so you think his ass is gorgeous?". Holly's eyes widened. " That .. I.. No! That wasn't what I mean, I-" She tried, but it was too late. Zaahira had already made a conclusion and was writing in her notebook. " Holly thinks Artemis has a gorgeous ass, I have it on tape". " I'm quite sure Holly didn't mean it like that. She isn't really the type of woman to say such things" Artemis interrupted. He was blushing too.

Zaahira smiled. " Of course she does! She might not say it, but she thinks it. And that's enough". " BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT EITHER"! Holly yelled. Zaahira smiled at her. " Oh yes, you did. You just don't want to admit it, afraid it will ruin your reputation".

Holly narrowed her eyes, giving Zaahira the evil eye, used to scare the most fearless LEP commanders. Sadly,it didn't work on Zaahira. Her smile just grew wider. Artemis frowned, unaware of the fact Holly was trying her evil eye on Zaahira. " Wait a minute, you said you had this on tape. Are you filming this?' he asked.

Holly stopped her attemps at scaring the interviewer and looked at Artemis for a second before she looked at Zaahira again, her face this time red because she was angry. " You have been filming us? Not only have kidnapped, hit and embaressed us, but you have it all on tape?" she hissed. Zaahira , unlike any other person on the world, wasn't scared by the look in Holly's eyes.

She smiled and clapped her hands, like a little girl on her birthday. " Yes. Isn't it wonderful?". Artemis and Holly locked eyes for a moment. And did the only logical thing. They screamed.

" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!".

**Ok, my first chapter of this interview/story thing. I love Artemis Fowl ( both the book and the mudmen/boy) and decided I wanted to do this. I will proceed the interview in the next chapters with more questions for Holly and Artemis. And new characters like Julius Root ( who has been brought back from the dead, yay me), Raine Vinyaya( again yay me), Foaly ( who has been unconscious for way too long) and Grub Kelp. Others will follow. One more thing; how do I have to continue? Does the interview has to remain story-like? Or more like this'**

**Interviewer ( to Foaly); Do you play paintball?**

**Foaly *eating a carrot*; What kind of question is that ? It doesn't make sense! And I don't play Mudmen games. Besides, with who would I play it?**

**Interviewer; Chiron... DUH!**

**Well...? What do you think? Tell me!**


	2. Punishment

**Warning; I have an habit to write long disclaimers about nothing. You can skip it, unless there is something important written in my disclaimer. If that's the case, I will warn you. Oh, and I always thank reviewers in this piece, just so you know.**

**Disclaimer; I don't own Artemis Fowl, no matter how much I want to. The genius Eion Colfer does. Well, he would be a genius if he hadn't killed Julius Root and Riane vinyaya. That was a mistake:( Eldewind Dolly; Than you so much for reviewing! I love reviews:D Zaahira is my OC, but she is based on me. I'm almost as crazy as her haha. I'm not French by the way, I'm Dutch. But we do have French classes at school and I choose French, because I love both the language and the country. So I'm not French, but I do speak it a little. Vous parlez Français? Oui, un petit peu:) I'm trying to be original, so glad to hear you thought it was. And I know Zaahira is very rude, but well.. that's just her:) ReneeAbigail; Thank you for reviewing, glad you like it! I will ask Artemis what he thinks about Holly, even if it was just to make him feel uncomfortable :D *Evil laugh* ( Yeah, I'm weird..). Good questions:) I personally think Julius and Vinyaya would be a cute couple. Even if they are actually dead... Melimeli26; I'm really glad you like my story:) And thank you for calling it brilliant, even if I'm not sure it is. You fell off the bed? Ouch! I had that once, but I fell because I was having a nightmare, screamed and fell. And it was a bunkbed, so it hurt. I'm a restless sleeper.. Hope you didn't hurt yourself too badly:) After this piece of evidence for my habit of writing really long disclaimers; chapter 2. Enjoy!**

Holly and Artemis were staring at Zaahira, absolutely horrified. Zaahira, on the other hand, was smiling. She seemed really pleased with herself. She wrote something down in her notebook. " For some strange reason, Holly and Artemis don't like the idea this is all recorded. Why wouldn't they?" she muttered. She looked up, her smile changed into a smirk. " So why don't you like it?" she asked them. Holly blinked. " You can't be serious, can you? Why on earth would you think we liked it?".

Before Zaahira could answer that question, Artemis reacted. " I couldn't agree more with Holly. We have been kidnapped and brought here so you could ask us some questions, which I dislike greatly, and now you're recording it? That is an infringement of our privacy! Kidnapping is worse, of course, but you can't expect you won't be punsihed for this. I- MMM"! Artemis had to stop his rant when Zaahira, just like she had done with Holly, stuffed his mouth with truffles. " Very interesting Artemis, except I'm not interested. And I won't be punished, because you two are not _able_ to punish me. Believe me, I have thought long and hard about this. Now, there are a few rules, all right? Rule number one; I ask the questions, not you. Unless you have something very important to ask, of course. Rule number two; you have to answer my questions and speak the truth, because I will know when you are lying. That are the rules for now, but I will come up with some more later and-". " How will you know when we are lying?" Holly interrupted her.

Zaahira smiled at her. " That might be a violation of rule one, but I'm too happy you asked. You see, there are lie detectors attached to your chairs. And of course, I have some truth serum ready". Artemis smirked. " There is no such thing as a truth serum. Even I have not been able to invent one". Zaahira smiled. " Just like there are no fairies"? " That one thing exists, doesn't mean another exists too" Artemis responded. Zaahira shrugged. " True, but in this case it exists. Where I come from, we have truth serums. And a lot of other things you don't posses".

Holly frowned. " Where do you come from? And what , besides truth serums, do you have?" she asked. Zaahira turned towards her and shook her head. " What did I tell you? I ask the questions, not you. Bad girl! You will need to be punished for that". " Punished? What do you - D'arvit!". Holly cursed when Zaahira snapped her fingers and she was suddenly covered in green slime. Holly might be accustomed to situations that got her dirty, but that didn't mean she liked being covered in slime.

Zaahira laughed. " Oh priceless! I'm soooo glad I have that on tape. You should have seen your face!". " What reason do you have to cover Holly in slime? That wasn't necessary and completely- D'arvit!". It was Artemis turn to curse when he was covered in slime too. It was worse for him, because he _really_ didn't like to get dirty. And of course, he was wearing some very expensive suit, which didn't help.

Zaahira laughed even harder, tears streaming down her face right now. When she was done laughing, she called Harkat. " Harkat , please clean our guests, will you? We don't want them to start complaining, now do we?" she said, still laughing. Holly rolled her eyes. " No, it's not like we have a _reason_ to complain. We only have been kidnapped and covered in slime. Serious, what is this stuff?". Zaahira smiled. " Another question, miss Short? Not really sagacious of you, now is it? But I will let it go this time, because I'm a nice person. At least people have called me that. And do you really want to know what it is?". Holly looked at the green, very smelly stuff that covered her. " No thank you, I prefer not to". Zaahira smiled. " Smart. Sometimes, ignorance is a blessing. This is one of those times".

Artemis shivered. " Normally, I wouldn't agree with your statement. But in this situation, I am forced to agree". "Exactly!" Zaahira beamed.

Harkat came back and started cleaning the two unfortunate friends who were covered in slime. When he was done, they were more or less clean. Zaahira was making a note in her notebook again. " Both individuals aren't able to avoid asking questions, therefore they will be punished gravely. Covering in slime is the first punishment" she muttered. " What is the second one?" Holly asked without thinking. She looked at the ceiling when she realized she had violated the rules again, like she expected more slime to fall on her.

Zaahira looked up and smiled at her. " The second one? I'm not sure yet. But it will be really good, I'm sure. You probably won't enjoy it, but I will" she said, smirking. Artemis sighed. " I see. So it's not enough to ruin my favorite suit?". Zaahir grinned. " No, it isn't. And I would stop asking too much questions, mister Fowl, because I will punsih you again. Oh and be glad. Suits are awful, start wearing jeans. I know they will make you look better, you're kind of hansome, soo...". Artemis raised his eyebrows. " I'm not going to wear those ridiculous garments you call jeans" he said, ignoring the comment about him being handsome. Holly chuckled. " Waste of your time, girl. No one is going to succeed in making Artemis Fowl wear jeans". "Artemis Fowl the second " Artemis corrected.

Holly rolled her eyes. " Shut up Arty". " I'm not going to shut up, like you order me to. I'm not one of your subordinates Holly". Holly snorted. " You aren't, but in the end, your little comments don't help. So just shut up". Artemis wanted to say something, but Zaahira cut him off. " I agree with Holly. That means the votes are unanimously and you have to shut up". " No one has respect for genii these days" Artemis muttered. " True. Now, on with the interview" Zaahira beamed, stuffing her mouth with truffels.

Artemis looked at her with disgust. " I can simply not comprehend anyone would like such nourishment. I prefer expensive and sophisticated food, like caviar". Zaahira shrugged. " Then take some. Just say caviar and Harkat will give you some. He understands orders. Just don't get any funny ideas, he will only feed you. If you try to give him any other order, he won't listen". " Smart. That way we won't be able to use him against you" Holly commented. Zaahira nodded. " Exactly. Now on with the interview!".

Artemis looked at his clothes, who were ruined. " I desire a shower" he said to himself. Zaahira smiled. " Why didn't you say so? Of course you can have a shower!". She snapped her fingers and it seemed to start raining above Artemis. Artemis let out a cry of protest when the cold water hit him. Zaahira turned to Holly, who seemed speechless when she saw the little shower above Artemis. " Don't worry, I didn't forget you !" Zaahira exclaimed. Holly's eyes widened when she understood what the girl was planning to do. " No, don't do it! I don't need a shower, I- AA! D'arvit, that's cold!" she cursed when another shower appeared above her and drenched her.

After a few minutes, in which both Holly and Artemis screamed she should stop it, Zaahira snapped her fingers and stopped the shower. She looked at the two, who were shivering. Especially Holly was shivering. She looked really mad. And cold. " W-why did y-you do that?" she stammered, trembling. Zaahira looked at her. " To get that filthy troll snot of you, of course! I just forgot how cold rainwater can be, I suppose. I'm so sorry". Zaahira got up and gave Holly a towel. She turned and gave Artemis, who looked ready to kill her, another towel. " Here take this. Harkat, rub them dry, will you? And get some blankets while you're at it".

Harkat nodded and started rubbing Holly dry. Artemis was still shivering. " This i-is an ignominy! I w-wil not accept t-this" he stammered, trembling. Zaahira looked at him, frowning. " A what?". " An ignominy. It means an humiliation. I hadn't anticipated a simpleton like you to know this anyway, but what a disappointment!" he said, contempt in his voice. Zaahira narrowed her eyes. " I'm not stupid! This requires punsihment two, for such a ignominy" she hissed. Artemis seemed to pale a little, but he didn't show any fear. " What? More slime on my expensive suit. Or- ". All bravory left Artemis when Zaahira snapped her fingers and his lounge chair changed into some machine. She smirked, enjoying his discomfort. " And what is the purpose of this? Are you going to electrocute me or something?".

Zaahira shook her head and got up. She walked towards him and stooped forward, so she could whisper in his ear. " It's a machine that will make you, the great Artemis Fowl, dumb" she whispered. She took a step back, smirking. Artemis paled even more, but he still responded. " Impossible. You aren't able to make me obtuse, no one is. I refuse to believe it. It's just a placebo. You want me to believe you can do it, so I actually feel obtuse". Zaahira shrugged. " Believe what you want. It's really true and you will notice soon enough. Unless you want to apologize of course. Then I won't take your only weapon; your intelligence".

Artemis gritted his teeth. " Forget it" he said. " Wait a minute, Artemis. It _could_ be true. Don't forget all the impossible things she has already done" Holly spoke softly, worry in her eyes. Zaahira smiled.. " Listen to your girlfriend, Artemis. You don't want to lose your intelligence, do you?". Artemis sighed. " No, but it won't happen. It's impossible you can actually make me obtuse" he said, but his voice faltered a little. Zaahira shrugged. " All right. Your choice". She snapped her fingers and the next moment , Artemis felt an helmet on his head. He felt a little, very painful shock and screamed. The pain built , making him scream harder untill he couldn't take it anymore. He could almost _feel_ his braincells burning away. " Stop! Please stop" he screamed, panicking. It hurt too much. " Do you apogize?". " YES! I APOLOGIZE. STOP IT! Please"! Artemis screamed.

Immediately, the helmet disappeared. Artemis looked around, his forehead beaded with sweat. He saw Holly's glance full of worry. " Artemis? Are you all right"? Artemis took a deep breath, trying to discover if he was. After a few second, he took a deep breath and nodded. " I don't have any evidence of it, but I postulate I am Holly" he responded. Zaahira, smirking, shrugged. " Of course you are. You apologized before any permanent harm could be done. Are you both finally ready to proceed this interview". Holly and Artemis, both pale, nodded.

Zaahira sat down and smiled. " Great! First question; Artemis, what do you think of Holly"? Artemis took another deep breath, the beating of his heart going back to normal. " I consider Holly a great LEP officer. She is brave and smart. She knows how to react in stressful situations and has saved me on numerous occasions. She is a great person overall". Zaahira smiled. " Cute. Holly, what do you think of Artemis?". Holly smiled at Artemis, who smiled back. " I know he is a genius and I am impressed of his knowledge, but he has to stop only thinking and start feeling more. Not everything is logical. And he needs to stop being so ruthless, because I can;t always safe him. For such a smart person, he doesn't understand the consequences of his actions. But I'm glad I know him, something I never expected to say. Especially since he kidnapped me" she responded.

Zaahira made a few notes. " I see..". She looked up and focused at Artemis. " Artemis, what are your feelings for Holly?". Artemis looked at Zaahira and frowned, something he didn't really often. " My feelings? I like her, she is my friend". Zaahira sighed. " We know you like her. But you feel more, that's really obvious. Seriously, for such a smart person, you're dumb" she remarked. " You can't be dumb if you're smart" Artemis said. Holly sighed. "Just answer the question, mudboy. I want to get out of here and arrest this crazy person". Zaahira nodded. " Exactly. Answer my question, mudboy. Or actually, mudman". She turned to Holly. "Serious, captain Short, I don't think he is still a mudboy". Artemis sighed. " Fine I will retord your question".

Zaahira bend forward, her eyes focused on Artemis. " Tell me" she said, smiling. Artemis smirked. " I like her". Zaahira grunted. " I know that! Specify please!". Artemis shrugged. " I already told you. She is my friend, I like her". Zaahira sighed. "What about l'amour? Don't you feel something big, like love? I mean, you do seem to care a lot. And you two even kissed!". " How do you even know that?" she asked. Zaahira shrugged. " I have my ways. Now answer me, you stubborn mudboy!". Artemis' vampire smirk grew a little wider. " Don't you mean mudman?".

Zaahira narrowed her eyes. " Don't play games with me, you fool . You don't want me to come up with a third punishment". Artemis raised his eyebrows slightly. " Did you discover my opinion on that matter with your mindreading ability?". " Yes. And now answer" Zaahira snapped. Her eyes turned gold for a moment and one of the glasses on the table suddenly broke. Artemis frowned when he saw that. " Fine. My feelings for Holly are... complicated. She is from another species and our friendship is barely accepted. Even if I had deeper feelings for her, it wouldn't work".

Zaahira nodded. " A Romeo and Juliet sutuation, I get that. But it could work". She saw Artemis was blushing slighly and avoided to look at Holly. She turned towards Holly. " And you? What are your feelings? And what do you think of the posibility Artemis loves you?". " I never said that!" Artemis protested. " Explicit listening, mudboy. Reading, or listening, between the lines Arty. You didn't say it, but it was clear nonetheless. You just have to except it". She turned towards Holly again. " What about you"?. " He is my friend" Holly said. Zaahira sighed. " Just answer my questions, unless you want to enjoy the third punishment. I'm really good at punishing people, captain Short, so just answer me".

Holly greeted her teeth. " Fine. He is my friend and I like him a lot, but like Artemis already told you, even if I did want more, it's impossible. And I honostly don't think Artemis likes me that way". Zaahira snorted. " Believe me, he does. Ok, since your stubborn people will never admit it anyway, next question".

She looked at the wheelchair with Foaly and smiled. " Foaly I know you're awake and was eavesdropping, just open your eyes already. Unless you want me to hurt you, of course". Foaly immediately opened his eyes at the thought of pain. " Don't do that! And I wasn't eavesdropping, really". Zaahira chuckled. " You were. But it doesn't matter. First question. What -". "How long have you been conscious?" Artemis interrupted. He still avoided to look at Holly. Foaly grinned. " Long enough to hear about your romance with Holly. Wait untill everyone hears this!". " Foaly! There is no romance!" Holly protested. Foaly grinned. " And you want me to believe that? Exhibit A, you kissed the mudboy. Exhibit B, you keep saving his life".

Holly gritted her teeth. " Foaly, you are so lucky I'm tied up". Foaly chuckled. " I know". Artemis raised his eyebrows. " Aren't you concerned about the kidnapping and all?". Foaly frowned. " This individu doesn't seem to have any purpose of hurting us, so not really. Besides, the LEP will be here soon enough". Zaahira smiled. " Maybe you're right. Mind to answer some questions while I still have my memories? I'm a big fan". Foaly grinned. He always liked talking about himself and his inventions. " No, no problem at all. Ask me". Zaahira smiled. " All right. Artemis and Holly, please be silent. All those questions are for Foaly. First question. You and Holly seem really good friends. How long have you two been friends?". Foaly smiled. " Quite some time, actually. Ever since she became captain and I noticed how great she was at annoying Julius".

Zaahira nodded and wrote something down. " A very good talent indeed. Next question. What are your thoughts on Artemis? Do you see him as a friend now?". Foaly looked at Artemis, who was listening, and chuckled. " I consider him smart, not as smart as me of course, but smart. For a mudboy, he is really talented. And he is smart enough to understand how smart I exactly am, so that's positive. He sure makes my life more interesting, that's true. I didn't like him at first, but he has improved and become a better mudboy. I suppose we're friends". Zaahira smiled and wrote that down. " Great. I think you two are both amazing. I wished I were that smart".

She sighed. " Next question. Were you and Opal Koboi friends before she became crazy and obssesed with world domination?". Foaly frowned. He obviously didn't like thinking about Opal. " There was a time we were friends yes, but that definetely ended when my design won over hers. She was convinced it was becuase I was a man and starting hating me. We were rivals after that until she finally completely lost it". Foaly smiled. " She just couldn't accept the fact I'm a better inventor than her". Zaahira nodded. " True. Next question. Concerning Opal, again. She had a difficult childhood, with her parents who didn't support and believe in her. Do you think traumatic experiences from her childhood have made her a criminal?". Foaly shook his head. " No. She is just crazy. Can I have some carrots now?".

Zaahira smiled. " Of course. I have to get something anyway. Eat as much as you want, I will be right back". When Zaahira , after giving Foaly some carrots , had left , Artemis looked at his bounds. " There have to be a way to break these" he mumbled. Foaly, munching on a carrot, shrugged. " If you have a laser, yes". Holly grunted. " We don't _have_ a laser". Foaly shrugged. " Then we can't escape. Unless we find someone who will untie us". Artemis sighed. " No one will. Zaahira is immune to mesmerizing, so she won't untie us. And Harkat only follows her orders". Holly smiled. " Maybe he doesn't. Maybe she only said that. Why don't we try it?". Artemis looked at Harkat, who seemed frozen. " It might work, but he didn't react when I asked him something. It could be he only listens to orders, of course". Foaly looked at the big man. " Untie us Harkat". Harkat didn't do anything, not even blink.

Holly sighed. " Harkat, I order you to free us". Still no reaction. " I command you to untie us now" Artemis tried. " That won't work" Zaahira said, who stood in the doorway. She carried a small creature, with flowing, sliver hair. " Commander Vinyaya" Holly gasped. Artemis' eyes widened. " That's impossible, she is dead!".

Zaahira shrugged. " Told you I could do the impossible. I made a deal with Hades. She got a second chance at life". Foaly dropped his carrot, his mouth open. " So she is alive? Is this a dream or something?". Zaahira shook her head. She walked towards him and pinched him. " Ouch! Why did you do that?" Foaly asked. Zaahira grinned. " To prove this isn't a dream. You feel pain, which you don't feel in a dream".

She put Vinyaya down, tying her to another chair that suddenly appeared. Vinyaya was conscious, but she had a gag in, so she couldn't talk. Zaahira smiled. " Just a moment, commander". She turned towards Harkat. " Harkat, get the other guests".

Harkat immediately walked away. Zaahira smiled. " I told you he only takes orders from me. Anyone wants something to drink or eat?". No one reacted. They were all staring at Vinyaya, who looked angry and _very_ alive. Holly had tears in her eyes. " She is really alive? How did you do that?' she asked.

Zaahira shrugged. " It doesn't matter, but she is really alive. A second chance at life, so she is alive until she dies again".

Holly opened her mouth to say something, but at that time Harkat came back. He carried two people. He put one of them on the ground, who whimpered when he hit the ground. " I'm telling mommy" he whispered, eyes wide with fear. " Grub Kelp" Artemis said. Holly didn't say anything, too busy with staring at the other person. Another of her dear friends she had lost. Her eyes tearing up, she whispered his name. " Commander Root..".

**That was chapter 2. Next time; Foaly, Vinyaya, Grub and Root. Maybe some other person if anyone asks me. Come up with your questions, please!**


	3. Truffels

**WARNING: LONG DISCLAIMER **

**Disclaimer; I don't own Artemis Fowl. Eoin Colfer does. All right.. First of all; thanks for the reviews& favoring& following. All persons who have done that are amazing and deserve virtual cookies. And chocolate truffels! I stole them from Opal Koboi mwahahah. Who is haunting me at the moment. That pixie is reeeeealy crazy! * Looks at a crazy Opal Koboi who is haunting her while screaming something about truffels and the punishment for stealing them* Shut up Opal! I'm trying to thank my reviewers here! Just get new truffels. Jesus Christ... * Opal screams and starts a rant about world domination and needing her chocolate truffels for it*. Wait a minute people, I need to stop Opal. She is giving me an headache! "You little human! I'm going to kill al your family for this and force you to watch! And-". Whatever. Just take your medicines crazy person! " I don't have any medicines you truffel-thief!". * Shoots Opal with a stun gun*. All right. Now I managed to silence Opal, I can snwer/ thank my reviewers, who are hereby declared some of the best people alive since they are so kind to review:D. ReneeAbigail; Very good idea. I personally have the idea Root does think of Holly like his daughter. I wonder if he has any children.. Probably not. I hereby declare you an AMAZING person, because you reviewed. Thank you so much! Melimeli26 ( interesting name!); thank you. And just like chapter two, you are AWESOME, because you reviewed. Thank you so much! greenpineapple ( nice name) ; Good to hear you like the first chapter. What do you think of the second one? And of course, I can bring in No1, he is cute :D. I'm just not sure if that will happen in this chapter already, but I will bring him in. And I hereby declare you simply PRODIGIOUS, one of my new favorite words, because you reviewed. Thank you so much! shaadiaThePrincessOfWeird; I liked writing that part:) It just felt right. Cool name, by the way. I read on your profile your are heir for the throne of insanity. Good job! Oh and I hereby declare you a MARVELOUS person, because you reviewed. Thank you so much, your majesty:D. I might have to stop these long disclaimers... Hmm. Nah. I like thanking people:) Enjoy !**

Holly couldn't believe her eyes when she saw him. Julius Root. Her boss and former friend. The man that she had come to like so much and had died in front of her. Opal Koboi, one of the only persons Holly didn't mind dying, had killed him. And still, he was here. Alive. And with his normally red face. He looked pissed like never before. _Maybe he will get that heartattack now _Holly thought. There had been bets for _years_ about that. And Julius had never before looked _this_ mad. Holly almost expected him to get an heartattack. _That would be cruel. He lives again, only to die from an heartattack. Fate can't be that cruel, can it? _

" Oh yes it can sweetheart" Zaahira suddenly spoke. Holly stared at her, baffled. _Did she just read my mind and answer the question I was thinking about? _" I did. I told you I could read minds. Lucky for you, you were only thinking it, not actually asking me. Punishments. I'm joking. I wouldn't punish you for asking a reasonable question like that". Artemis frowned. " Holly didn't ask anything". Zaahira shrugged. "She was _thinking_ it. She asked if the fates can be so cruel to take her precious commander away when he has just come back".

Artemis raised his eyebrows slightly. " I understand. And you assume it can be that cruel?". Zaahira snickered. " I don't assume it. I know it. And not it, but they. Never read Greek Mythology, mudman?". " I have read numerous myths, including Greek myths. But that is what they are, myths. Stories with a truth in it, but they aren't real. There is no evidence of those creatures that are envisioned whatsoever". Zaahira smiled. " You know, for a genius, you can be incredibly stupid. They are real, believe me. All those gods? Real. The monsters, like the Minotaur? Real. And Tartarus and Elysium are very real too, so I would be careful mudman. You might have changed, but there have been times your actions weren't exactly.. proper".

Artemis smirked. " Are you trying to frighten me? That won't work". Zaahira smiled. " I'm not. I'm giving you a fair warning, so you might not end up in the fiels of punishment after your dead". Artemis was still smirking. " You want me to believe that piffle? _No one _knows what happens after you die, but I'm convinced you won't go to the underworld". Zaahira sighed. " Just ask Holly if you don't believe me".

Artemis looked at Holly, who seemed to be frozen, her eyes focused on Julius Root. She didn't even blink. " Holly? Is there any truth in the Greek Myths?". Holly blinked. Once. Twice. And looked at Artemis. There were tears in her eyes, but Artemis suspected they were tears of happiness rather than sadness. " He is alive Artemis. He is alive!" she whispered.

Artemis smiled at her. He couldn't do anything different. He knew how important Julius Root had been to her. " I can see that. Congratulations Holly. I'm very glad he is. And fascinated". Holly smiled. " Serious Artemis? Old friends come back from the death and you want to use them for an experiment, so you can find out how it is possible?". Artemis shrugged. " As far as I know, that has never happened before. It's very interesting and profitable. Imagine what you could do if you could cheat death".

Zaahira grunted. " Don't even think about it mudman. Remember Sisyphus? He cheated dead and believe me, it didn't bring him much good". Holly nodded. " You better be careful Artemis. Death is a power to reckon with. You better not try anything or it will end badly. And even I can't help you then". Artemis smiled. " I will be careful. As far as I know, I only have one life and I do not intend to lose it".

Zaahira clapped her hands. " Good. Now we have decided _not _to do anything extremely stupid, like cheating death, we can continue the interview. Harkat, place Mr. Grub and Julius Root on a chair, will you?". Harkat nodded and picked the whimpering Grub up. " N-no! L-eave me alone, you you BEAST!" Grub stammered, trembling. Zaahira smiled. " Calm down , Harkat won't hurt you. Besides, aren't you the person who managed to defeat the great Butler?" she mocked.

Grub Kelp didn't hear it anymore, for he had fainted. Zaahira rolled her eyes. " Some hero. Put them on a chair Harkat. And be careful! I want to interview them, not hurt them". Harkat nodded and put them down. Julius was gagged and bound, but his glance said enough. _I will kill you for this. _Zaahira smiled when she saw Julius look at Harkat like he wanted to kill him. " Now now, Julius. Calm down a little! You don't want to get an heartattack, do you"? she cooed.

Julius looked even angrier, his face turned even redder. Zaahira giggled. " Oops, I forgot. Sorry, you don't like to be called Julius, do you?". Holly was pretty sure that if Root hadn't been gagged, he had been cursing. She looked at him. He looked exactly the same as before his death, with his LEP uniform and red face. And his cut hair, of course. _The only thing that is different is that he doesn't have any cigares _Holly thought. A second after she had thought it, Zaahira snapped her fingers and some cigares appeared. She winked at Holly. " Good you reminded me Holly. Julius needs some cigares, of course. Have you ever seen the man without them?".

She turned towards Julius, smiling. " Normally I opppose to smoking, but I'm willing to make an exception". She took the gag out of Julius mouth and put a cigar in.

Before Julius could react, she already walked towards Vinyaya and took her gag out. " What on earth is this, you mudgirl? Have you any idea how much trouble you are in?" she hissed. Zaahira smiled. " I do. Not much, because I'm not a mudgirl. I have magic, just like you. And believe me, I planned everything". " That doesn't change anything. You still kidnapped various persons. Do you know the punishment for that?". Zaahira shrugged. " Jail probably. Unless I can prove I'm crazy, then I will go to an insane asylum. But I will just escape, so I don't really care. Do you want a chocalate truffel?". " NO! I want you to let us go" Vinyaya hissed. " Exactly, the wing commander is right" Julius saidtrying to free himself.

Zaahira sighed. " Listen commander, you won't get free. But I will let you go if you answer some questions, all right?". " And what if we don't?" Vinyaya asked, her eyebrows raised. Zaahira shrugged. " You will never get free or even better, I have to expose the people to the mudmen resulting in a war". Holly gasped. " You can't do that!". " Believe me, I can. I don't want to, but if you leave me no other choice..".

Julius grunted. " Fine. I will answer your questions". Zaahira smiled brightly. " Great! And you wing commander? Will you answer my questions?" she asked Vinyaya. Vinyaya narrowed her eyes. " Why would I?". Zaahira shrugged. " So your people won't die. Seriously, it isn't that hard to answer some questions". Holy sighed. " Please wing commander, answer them. She might look like an ordinary mudgirl, but I'm sure she can carry through her threat".

Holly smiled at Vinyaya. " Great to see you again, even in this conditions". Vinyaya nodded. " Fine, captain Short. I trust you". She looked at Artemis. " I don't trust him however. What is the mudboy doing here?". Artemis smirked. " Good to see you to wing commander. And it is obvious why I'm here. I'm kidnapped, just like you". Vinyaya narrowed her eyes. " Does this has anything to do with you mudboy?". " This has nothing to do with Artemis, wing commander" Holly said. Artemis nodded. " Holly is right. I'm innocent". Vinyaya snorted. " Artemis fowl is _never _innocent". " Right. I bet you have something to do with this nonetheless, mudboy" Julius said, his cigar still in his mouth.

Artemis smirked at him. " Good to see you, Julius. And you are going to burn yourself". Zaahira shook her head. " No, he isn't". She snapped her fingers and the cigar disappeared from Julius' mouth. She smiled at Julius. " Just say cigar when you want it in your mouth, Julius". Julius gritted his teeth. " Do _not _call me Julius, mudgirl". Foaly chuckled. " Really Julius? Still the same old grumpy man, aren't you". " Foaly. What are you doing here? And stop calling me Julius!". Foaly raised his eyebrows. " I'm here on vacation. Seriously, _why _do you think I'm here? I was kidnapped!".

Julius snorted. " Why would anyone want to kidnap you? You're too annoying! I would ask money to kidnap you". Foaly pouted. " That's not nice Julius". "Stop calling me Julius". "But Julius, I-". " Shut up! Both of you" Zaahira commanded.

She sighed. " All right. Let I make something clear. You don't say anything unless I _ask _you something. If you do speak while you're not supposed to, Harkat gets to play with you. Savvy?'. Vinyaya raised her eyebrows. " Savvy? What are you, a pirate?". Zaahira snickered. " No. I wished I was. Let's start the interview. If anyone wants something to eat or drink, tell Harkat and he will feed you". " Ridiculous" Vinyaya muttered. Zaahira raised her eyebrows. " Did you say anything, wing commander?". Vinyaya looked up and nodded. " Yes, this whole situation is ridiculous. And- D'Arvit!".

Vinyaya cursed when Zaahira snapped her fingers and the unfortunate wing commander was drenched by some ice cold water. " W-what on e-earth?" she stammered, trembling. Zaahira sat down and smiled. " A warning, wing commander. I know how much you hate the cold. Just keep quit, unless you want to freeze. Do we have a deal?'. Vinyaya was about to protest, but after another look at Zaahira, she nodded. " D-deal". Zaahira smiled. " Perfect! Harkat, give the wing commander some towels and dry her please".

While Harkat was making sure Vinyaya didn't freeze, Zaahira studied her notebook. She looked up. " All right. First question. Commander Root, why are you always so grumphy". Julius snorted. " I am not grumphy". Foaly, who was munching on a carrot, grinned. " You are Julius". Zaahira narrowed her eyes. " Mister Foaly, unless you want me to make a burger of you, you better shut up". Foaly swallowed. " Of course. I won't bother you again".

Zaahira smiled. " That's better. We all know you are grumphy Julius. You almost never smile or laugh. Explain why you are please". Julius grunted. " I have a responsible job. I'm the example. If I was laughing and smiling all time, people wouldn't take me serious". Zaahira nodded. " Understood". She wrote something down. " Julius Root believes he is the example. He might be delussional" she muttered. Foaly snickered, but didn't say anything. Julius sent him an angry glare. " Shut up pony".

Zaahira looked up. " Next question. Why do you get so mad when someone calls you Julius?". " I'm _commander_ Root. Calling me Julius is a sign of disrespect". " I understand, commander. Next question. What about Holly? I noticed you two were pretty close. Is she like a daughter for you? Do you have any daughters?". " None of your business" Julius growled. " You promised to answer my questions. Besides, you don't want to find out what happens when you don't, do you?". Julius snorted. " Fine. I don't have any children, they are a waste of time and-". "Are you infertile?" Zaahira interrupted. Julius stared at her. " What?". " Infertile. Are you unable to get any children?". " No! Why would you even ask that?". " Because it would explain why you're so grumphy. And how do you know you aren't if you never tried to have children?''.

Julius seemed to be purple now, but it was not clear if it was from anger of embaressment. " I know, because I, I. Next question!". Zaahira shrugged. " Sure. Julius Root is probably infertile". " I AM NOT!". Zaahira looked up and smiled. Of course you aren't. My other question. Is Holly like a daughter to you?'. " Holly is one of best agents and-". " That wasn't my question. I asked if she is like a daughter to you. How do you think about her?".

Julius muttered something. " I know I'm an annoying little brat. Answer the question please". " Fine. Holly made me very proud. It was difficult for her as LEP agent, because she is a woman. But she didn't give up. She is brave and loyal, but she really should stop ignoring the rules. You could say she is like a daughter to me. If I wanted a daughter".

Zaahira looked at Holly, who was grinning. " Thank you so much commander" she said, smiling. Zaahira snickered. " Don't you mean daddy". Julius gave her his death glare, so she cleared her throat and wrote something down. " All right. Next question. Have you ever been married or had a girlfriend?". " Of course I have had girlfriends. I have never been married. I'm too busy for that".

Zaahira wrote something down. " Never been married. Says he has had girlfriends, but I doubt he is talking about relationships. Probably only sex. She looked up, smiling. " You are the most annoying person I have ever met" Julius spat. Zaahira smiled. " Thank you. Next question. Have you and wing commander Vinyaya ever been in a relationship? You told Foaly she liked you".

Vinyaya turned red when she heard this. " You have told him _what_?" she hissed. Julius seemed to shrink a little. He looked at Foaly. " This is going to cost you your job, you idiot!". Foaly snickered. " I haven't told anyone. And that comment is going to cost you your second life, since Vinyaya looks mad enough to kill you". "Shut up, Foaly" Vinyaya snapped.

Foaly pouted. " Fine. No need to be mad at me. I never stated you liked me, commander". Vinyaya snorted. " That's because I don't". Zaahira smiled. " So you do like Julius" she said, waggling her eyebrows. " I didn't say that!" Vinyaya hissed. Zaahira shrugged. " You must have given Julius the impression you liked him, otherwise he wouldn't think so". Vinyaya crossed her arms. " Well, I don't".

Zaahira smiled. " I get it. You don't like Julius-". "Exactly" Vinyaya said. " Because you like Grub Kelp!". Vinyaya stared at Zaahira. " Why on earth would you think that?". Zaahira shrugged. " I'm not the only one. I recently read this amazing story, by Kitsuneheart, and it was called in another's eyes. It's about you and Grub Kelp and you seduced him, and you two have an affair for ten years, but then you find out you're pregnant and-".

" Commander? You're pregnant?!" Holly yelled. Vinyaya grunted. " Of course I'm not". Zaahira smiled. " So Grub hasn't managed to get you pregnant yet?". Vinyaya blushed slighly. " I don't even have to answer your questions, but Grub Kelp and I have nothing to do with each other". Zaahira winked. " Sure". " I mean it!" Vinyaya protested. " Well, I don't believe you. I'm pretty sure-". " TRUFFEL-THIEF".

Zaahira was interrupted when Opal Koboi broke through the door, a crazy look in her eyes. Well, even crazier than normally that is. She was holding a gun and pointed it at Zaahira.

Zaahira sighed. " How am I supposed to do my job if i keep getting interrupted? Harkat, tell miss Opal I'm busy will you?". Opal walked forward. " I'm right here, you idiot! Give me back my truffels!".

Zaahira took a truffel and showed it to Opal. " Do you mean this?". Opal nodded. " Yes! Those are mine. Give them to me". Zaahira chuckled and ate the truffel, making Opal hiss like some angry cat. " Mmm delicious. And it was the last one". : YOU ARE GOING TO PAID FOR THAT! " Opal screamed.

Zaahira snickered and snapped her fingers. Immediately, a brick fell on Opal's head. "Didn't think so" Zaahira said.

**Random haha:) Next time; No1, Opal Koboi, some more Vinyaya, Grub Kelp, probably Julius Root and perhaps Foaly. **


	4. A shocking truth

**Disclaimer; I don't own Artemis Fowl or In Another's eyes. Artemis Fowl is owned by Eoin Colfer and in Another's eyes by Kitsuneheart. Thankyou for writing in Another's eyes, by the way. One more thing; I have been informed it isn't allowed to include a real person in your story and Zaahiraa is based on me. I probably should stop thanking all the amazing people who reviewed… And maybe I broke the rules again when I admitted Zaahira is based on me. For a part, since I am very different. Don't get those rules ( why is it forbidden seriously?!), but all right.. Hope you people keep reviewing nonetheless. Enjoy!**

Zaahira sighed. She looked down at Opal, who lay on the ground and was bleeding. "Great. You borrow some truffles and a crazy pixie vows to kill you. Drama much"? she muttered while she walked towards Opal. She kneeled down and was about to put her hand on Opal's wound, caused by the brick, when Artemis'voice interrupted her. " That was gullible. Hitting Opal with a brick, although funny, is completely futile. You won't have any profit of it and it will likely kill her "he commented. "Oh shut up Fowl. That pixie deserves it. I'm opposed to murder, but hitting her with a brick wasn't completely useless. At least she is silent now" Vinyaya said, smiling. She might be opposed to murder, but she clearly liked seeing Opal hurt.

Holly was actually snickering a little. " That will teach her! Killing some of my best friends, just because she wants more power" she said, smiling. She looked at Zaahira. "Why did you use a brick? Why not something else?". Zaahira shruuged. "First thing that came to me. But if you want to, you can do something. Like hitting her. After I made sure she isn't going to die, of course". Holly looked at Opal, apparently torn by her desire of revenge and her morals. She sighed. "I don't know. It would be wrong, even if it felt right".

Zaahira winked. " What about; if it feels right, it can't be wrong"?'. Julius snorted. "Of course it can be wrong if it feels right. But I do believe she would deserve it. She killed me, after all". Foaly nodded. " I agree. You might be an annoying, grumpy, mean, disrespectful old man Julius, but that doesn't give her the right to kill you. Your death destroyed the LEP. The new commander is an idiot and destroys all you have worked for. You were at least a good commander".

Zaahira looked at Julius and Foaly, waiting for Julius 'reaction. Which came fast. "DON"T CALL ME JULIUS YOU CARROT-EATING IDIOT" Root yelled, his face more red than ever. Foaly pouted. "That's not fair Julius. I'm not an idiot". Julius narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to say it one more time tech-head. One last time. Don't. Call. Me. Julius. Understood?". Foaly shrugged. "Sure Julius". Julius clenched his fists, his jaw closed tight and his eyes seemed to promise death. A slow, terrifying dead. He didn't say anything, but the reddening of his face and the look in his eyes said enough. Everyone remained, undoubtedly smart, silent. Too bad Foaly didn't get the message; he kept talking. "Seriously Julius, you're being overly dramatic. You're not even commander anymore, so I don't have to use that title and- GET HIM OFF ME! GETT HIM OFF ME!".

Foaly started screaming like a little girl when Julius somehow managed to free himself and jumped on the unfortunate centaur, causing the wheelchair he occupied to fall. Foaly couldn't escape and Julius seemed determined to strangle him. Zaahira widened her eyes. "Huh. Sure as hell, I didn't see that coming. Impressive. It should have been impossible to get free".

The others didn't say anything; they were too busy staring at the commander who was making a good attempt at murder. Zaahira chuckled." Apparently, the comma- _ex_- commander isn't opposed to murder" she muttered. " He is actually. And you better help Foaly. I don't want anyone dead. Not even that annoying centaur" Vinyaya said. She looked at the two with slight interest.

Foaly would have pouted except he was too busy trying to survive Julius crazy attack. The commander strengthened his grip on the poor centaur's throat, dangerously close to committing a crime for the first time in his life. Only a few minutes away from death, Foaly was saved by Zaahira who snapped her fingers and divided the two. Julius was, once again, tied up to his chair. And Foaly was in his wheelchair, which was no longer on the ground. He looked really scared and shocked. Julius on the other hand, was still looking at Foaly like he wanted to choke him.

Foaly rubbed his sore throat. "Was that really necessary commander? Or is it a side effect from coming back to life? Did dying make you crazy? Well, crazier". Julius growled. Zaahira raised her eyebrows at the weird sound, but didn't say anything. All the others were breathless too, awaiting Julius' reply. "Yes. After all, you are no longer calling me Julius" he said. Foaly's mouth opened a little, his eyes displaying his disbelief. "Seriously? You're willing to kill me, just to make me call you commander? By Frond, you really _are _crazy". Julius shook his head, an flicker of a smile on his lips. "Of course not. I was willing to kill you, just so I didn't have to hear you call me Julius ever again" he said.

Foaly frowned. "That's just mean. You don't possess an heart". Julius grinned. "Never said I had one, did I pony-boy?"". Holly sighed. "You two are unbelievable. Can you stop it already? Please commander, stop trying to kill Foaly. He can't help being the most annoying creature ever. There are tons of other good reasons to kill him" Holly said with an evil smirk. Foaly pouted. "You don't mean that Holly". Holly sighed. "You're right".

Foaly smiled, giving Julius a triumphant look. "There ought to be more reasons to kill you" Holly added, with that evil smirk. Foaly's smile faded. "Oh come on Holly. That's just mean!". Holly shrugged. " Maybe. But it is fun".

Before Foaly could react, Vinyaya sighed. "All of you, _shut up. _ We aren't here on a tea party. We have been _kidnapped. _Enough time for those silly games once we are free". "Opal is dying" Artemis added drily. At this last comment, everyone looked at the pixie, who was indeed dying. The brick hadn't done her much good. Zaahira sighed. "Are you all finally going to let me save her life or do you want me let her just bleed to death?". Holly shook her head. "Let her life" she urged.

Vinyaya raised her eyebrows slightly. "I had expected you to like Opal dead rather than alive". Holly shrugged. "This way, she will suffer a little. Only serves her right". "You have spent too much time with Fowl "Vinyaya muttered, but her eyes showed she had trouble not smiling. Zaahira raised her hands. "Everyone silent. This requires some concentration, so no talking, Or moving. I would prefer no breathing, but I get that will be too hard for you".

She lay her hand on Opal's head, muttering some words. Her hand seem to start glowing, a blue glow that looked spooky. Opal's head was glowing too, and you could see the wound slowly disappearing.

When the pixie was healed, Zaahira got up and turned towards Harkat. "Please tie miss Koboi up Harkat. I really don't want her to be free. She is already annoying enough alive, let alone free", Harkat picked Opal up, carrying her to another chair and starting to tie her up with rope from his pocket. Apparently, he liked to collect rope.

Zaahira turned towards her other captives and smiled. "All right. Now that little problem is solved, let's continue with my interview right? I expected Opal to arrive sooner or later, so I already have some questions for her. And for Vinyaya and Grub Kelp of course".

She walked towards Grub Kelp, who seemed asleep , but was shivering slightly like he was cold. She bent over him, her eyes suddenly glowing gold and teeth changing into fangs. She put her fangs on Gub's neck. You could hear a little whimper. " Of course, I could also use you for other things Grub Kelp, if you don't stop trying to look unconscious and answer my questions" she whispered. Grub Kelp didn't open his eyes, but you could hear more whimpers. Vinyaya snickered, causing Zaahira to look at her and leave Grub's neck. "Don't count on it. Everyone knows he is a coward" she said. Grub opened his eyes to give Vinyaya an angry glare. "That's not true! I defeated the enormous mudman, Butler!". He protested.

Vinyaya rolled her eyes. "You didn't defeat him. You were the only person who was still conscious and he let you go. _Everyone _knows that". Grub pouted. " That's mean. I did defeat him". Vinyaya snickered. "Sure. And I'm going to be a top model". "You could be. You're pretty" Grub muttered. He clearly didn't want Vinyaya to hear it, and looked a little shocked when he realized what he had said, but she did hear it. She narrowed her eyes. " I wouldn't even think that, if I were you. I am absolutely not interested in you Kelp".

Grub turned a shade of red that could easily compete with Julius's face when he was trying to strangle Foaly. Except he wasn't angry, but embarrassed. He hang his head, his fists clenched. "I di-dn't th-hink you would" he managed, his voice trembling. Vinyaya nodded. "Good, because you would be _really _stupid to think I am". Zaahira, smirking, sat down and took her notice book. She raised her eyebrows and looked at Vinyaya. "Really? You aren't? Then why did you seduce him?".

Vinyaya gritted her teeth. "I. Didn't. Seduce. Him". Zaahira smiled. "They all say that, but I just know you did". She turned towards Grub, who was still in the same position. "Grub. What about you? What did you think when Vinyaya seduced you?'. "I _didn't _seduce him" Vinyaya hissed. She looked at Zaahira with so much anger, it was odd Zaahira didn't burn. The only reaction to Vinyaya's burning glare, sadly, was a knowing smile. Zaahira sighed. "Commander. Please shut up or else I will have to gaga you again. Savvy?". Vinyaya snorted. "No, not savvy. I won't take this! You're telling lies and- Mmmm!". Vinyaya's protest was broken when Harkat put an apple in her mouth.

Zaahira smiled. " Not what I had in mind, but thank you Harkat". She turned towards Grub, who was staring at the commander with wide eyes, and smiled. " Your answer?"she said. Grub looked at her. "She is going to kill you. Why did you do that?'. Zaahira shrugged. "She wouldn't shut up. And she won't, believe me". Grub swallowed, looking scared. Not scared because he was facing a powerful creature like Zaahira -all right that too but that doesn't matter right now- but because Vinyaya looked really mad. Really, _really _mad. " Oh, you won't. She will never shut up".

Zaahira snickered. "I got the others to shut up. Believe me, she will too. But none of that matters right now. I want you to answer my questions. What did you think when Vinyaya seduced you? Have you always had a crush on her?". Grub turned pale, his eyes widening. "I-I " he stammered. Zaahira smiled. "Tell us. We are more than interested". She leaned forward, eager to hear his next words. Gub looked at Vinyaya, who was struggling viciously and shook her head. Grub swallowed. "No comments. Ehh next question?".

Zaahora looked at Vinyaya, who seemed to relax slightly at his words and grinned. "Now I've got you wing commander. You're very good at hiding your feelings, but your reaction gave it away. You _do_ have an affair- relationship , whatever- with Grub. I just know it! But you don't want it to go public, do you?'.

Zaahira smiled while Vinyaya muttered something. Probably some very bad swearing, not that you could hear it. Zaahira ignored Vinyaya and looked at Grub again. "So , tell me _everything _about you and the wing commander. How did it start? Did you always like her? Do you have a thing for older women? Are you in love with her? Oh and don't even _think _about not answering my questions, you really don't want to know the punishment for that".

Grub swallowed, his eyes shifting between Vinyaya and Zaahira. Apparently, he decided Zaahira with her unknown powers and punishment was worse than the captured commander, because he opened his mouth. "Shecameintomyofficeandseducemebutshedoesntlovemeandimnotsureiloveherbutithinksoandidonthaveathingforolderwomen"he said, looking ready to faint.

Zaahora grunted. "Slower! I can't understand you". Grub bit his lip. " She came into my office and seduced me. I don't have a thing for older women" he said really soft. "And…." Zaahira said. Grub took another look at the wing commander, who looked both angry and slightly nervous, before he spoke in a barely audible voice. "I'm not sure if I love her, but I think I do" he said, looking down. " Aaaaaw" Zaahira cooed at the same moment Holly screamed "WHAT?!".

She looked at Vinyaya. "You really started an affair with him? In the office? That's crazy, it's horrible, it's.. it's disgusting!". Grub, who apparently decided he was going to die one way or another, grinned and seemed to regain some of his ego. " I believe you would find it more disgusting if you knew what we did on your chair" he said casually. At his comment, Holly looked at him with wide eyes. "Oh Frond, what did you do?'. Grub shrugged. " _We _had sex on your chair. And you really need a more comfortable one. And a less wobbly one".

At this comment , Holly seemed speechless and really nauseous. She even seem to turn green when she realized what that meant. What exactly had happened at the same chair she always sits ons.

Until this moment, Julius and Foaly had remained silent, though following the conversation with interest and disbelief, while Artemis had looked slightly interest. Foaly and Julius looked about as nauseous as Holly, but also slightly impressed. Artemis merely raised his eyebrows a little. "Impossible. I don't believe the wing commander would ever do that". Julius frowned. "You're right Fowl. I don't believe it. You can't have had Raine Vinyaya. Impossible!". Foaly chewed on a carrot, nodding. " I believed you for a second, but it's impossible. It's about as likely as Julius marrying Lili Frond".

Holly didn't say anything, except "Please let it be a lie. Please let it be a lie. Please, It's so disgusting". Zaahira smiled, got up, and walked towards Vinyaya, who was struggling and tried to talk. Which she was unable to, of course. Which should be a positive things, because judging from her expression, she wasn't going to say anything positive. More like a _lot _of swearing. And cursing. And.. well just not really something children should ever hear. And adults neither actually.

Zaahira took Vinyaya's gag out, but before the wing commander could say anything offensive, she took some sort of vial and forced Vinyaya to drink it. " You bitch! What was that?"Vinyaya hissed. Zaahira smiled. "Truth serum. It will work immediately and you have to answer me". "I don't –"Vinyaya started, but she suddenly paled and looked ready to faint. Or vomit. Or both.

Zaahira smiled. "Great. Now answer my question; have you seduced Grub Kelp?'. Vinyaya obviously tried to fight the truth serum; she was clenching her fists, her eyes closed, her teeth gritted and a little bit sweating, but to no avail. Zaahira had spoken the truth; she _had _to answer. "Yes' Vinya grunted.

Zaahira smiled, ignoring the shocked faces of all the people around her. She heard Foaly mutter "when are you and Lili Fornd going to marry", but he Julius didn't even react. He just kept staring at Vinyaya.

The only ones who didn't look shocked were Artemis and Grub. Artemis didn't look particularly shocked and Grub only looked scared. And he should be, because he would be dead if Vinyaya hadn't been tied up. " Aha. Was all he told the truth?" Zaahira asked. Vinyaya tried to fight it, but she had to answer. "D'arvit! Yes, it's all true. Even the thing about Holly's chair". Vinyaya looked at Holly. "I'm sorry". Holly looked really pale. "Why.. why.. WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"she yelled. "You ruined my chair! It's disgusting! Are you out of your mind?'. Vinyaya sighed. "Sorry and I probably did. You are free to believe that and no, I am not".

Holly didn't say anything anymore, she just stared at Vinyaya like she had just killed a puppy. Like she was evil. The others, probably too shocked/afraid/whatever Artemis was to say anything, remained silent. Zaahira grinned and walked towards her chair. "Amazing! I always _knew_ you two were together. You're cute". Vinyaya grunted. " We aren't 'together'. We only have sex".

She sent Grub a murderous glare. "And that might end soon, because I am considering killing him. You idiot!" she hissed. Grub whimpered. "She made me!". Vinyaya rolled her eyes. "Oh please". Grub swallowed. "She really did! And you told them too!". "Because I was under influence of a truth serum!"she snapped. "What is your excuse?!". Grub paled even more, looking ready to cry and faint. "I-I" he stammered.

"Waite a minute? This is really true?" Julius asked, looking both perplexed and a little shocked. And maybe even jealous. He looked at Vinyaya. "You two have a relationship?". " No, we don't. We have an affair. Or had , since he ruined everything. He had to tell you!". Julius frowned. " Why him? He is an idiot. A moron. A little, useless, coward. Why him?'. Vinyaya answered without thinking. " Because the fact he is a coward guaranteed he wouldn't tell and he is inexperienced. And he is tall and big". Foaly dropped his carrot. " By all the gods wing commander, I can't believe you! You actually started an affair!". Vinyaya gave him her burning glare. Sadly, he didn't burn either. He just shook his head, like he didn't know what to say. "I can't believe it either. That bitch hit me with a brick!"Opal suddenly said.


	5. Spiders and Chandeliers

**I don't own Artemis Fowl. Sadly. The amazing Eion Colfer does. By the way, thank you all for reviewing! Oh and I intend to introduce Number , which I had promised a long time ago. I had totally forgotten that promise...**

Everyone forgot about the impossibility of Vinyaya and Grub actually having an affair for a moment to look at Opal. Opal looked really mad. Mad, as in anger. But the look in her eyes didn't just show anger, they also showed madness. The sort of madness you saw by people who liked to drown kittens or puppies. Opal was clearly not the quit, muttering to herself kind of crazy. No, she was the raging, murdering sardonic kind. Which she proved right away.

" YOU BITCH! YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I WILL ESCAPE AND USE THOSE BOUNDS TO STRANGLE YOU AND RIGHT BEFORE YOU DIE, I WILL RELEASE THE BOUNDS. I WILL LOCK YOU UP SO I CAN TORTURE YOU AND- " she shrieked, to be interrupted when Zaahira stuffed her mouth with truffles.

Zaahira smirked. " You wanted chocolate truffels, didn't you? There you go. Enjoy them. And be careful with your wishes next time Opal Koboi" she said, smirking.

Zaahira ignored the furious Opal and turned towards the rest, who all looked shocked. She smiled and cleared her throat. " Well, now Opal is silent for once. We will have to proceed-" she started.

She was interrupted when the door flew open and Harkat stood there. Holly frowned. " How comes he suddenly stands there? I didn't even notice him leaving and- Number 1?".

Holly's eyes widened when she realized Harkat wasn't alone. Next to him, stood Number 1. He looked like his normal self, with a sheepish expression on his face. He smiled at her, but frowned. He turned to Harkat. " Why is my friend bound like that mister Hark?" he asked him, a childish confidence expressed by his words.

Harkat didn't say anything, of course. He just stood straight with absolutely no expression on his face. Like he was made of stone. Or rather rock. Number 1 frowned again. " It's isn't polite, mannerly, civilized to ignore someone. Why are you ignoring, necleting me?" he asked. No one didn't really know to react and Harkat didn't react at all.

Zaahira just remained silent, smirking a little. She looked at the warlock with interest, a sparkle in her eyes. Number 1, looking upset, turned towards Zaahira and her ' guests'. " Why is he ignoring me Holly? Did I do anything wrong?" he asked, his eyes tearing up a little. Number 1 really didn't like being ignored. He was very sensetive.

Holly smiled, apparently forgetting her problems for a moment when she saw the hurt look in his eyes. " Of course not. It's.. complicated. Shall we talk when you have unbound us? What are you doing here anyway?". Number 1 walked towards her. " I was invited here by some nice lady who wanted to interview me. Why are you bound? I'm not familair with all the human customs, but this isn't customs, but this isn't normal is it?". Vinyaya grunted. " Of course it isn't normal! We were kidnapped and brought here. Now we are held hostage and forced to answer questions regarding our personal life" she hissed, still angry. She wasn't angry at Number 1 of course, but he didn't know that. His eyes widened and his lower lip started trembling.

Vinyaya sighed when she saw that. " Is the wing commander mad at me?" he asked in a little voice. Vinyaya tried to smile, finding it hard now she was still really mad. " No I'm not mad at you" she said. She glared at Grub, who seemed to shrink and started trembling when he saw the threatening look in her eyes. " It's true I'm mad at certain people, but not at you. You haven't done anything wrong. Now untie us!" she commanded.

Number 1 took a step forward, smiling. Now he knew she wasn't mad at him, he seemed relaxed and peaceful. And not at all bothered by the fact that everyone was tied to chairs. He stopped suddenly, furrowing his brow. " But if you aren't mad at me, who are you mad at?" he asked. The wing commander opened her mouth to explain, but Zaahira cut her off. She smiled at Number 1, a sweet and innocent smile. If all , well most since Number 1 didn't know, people in the room didn't know she was crazy, they had thoight she was just a kind teenager. " Because darling and I'm sorry if this offends or shocks you, Grub Kelp told everyone how he has been fucking her for quite some time. During work. Heck, maybe they even did it on a place you come by everyday" she said, smiling.

She looked at Holly, who looked disgusted now she remembered where they had been talking about, and her smile turned into a smirk. " Maybe they even did it on your chair. Who knows? I haven't been able to ask all the dirty details". " Don't bother" Julius mumbled. Foaly nodded. " Yeah. I don't think anyone wants to be informed about _what_ exactly Raine and Grub have been doing the past years" he said, smirking a little.

Suddenly, his smile turned into a frown. " Wait a minute! Why didn't you just ask us too? It wasn't necessary to kidnap us. You could just have asked" he said. Zaahira smirked. " No, I couldn't. You wouldn't have agreed. Besides, like I already said, everyone I didn't ask something, remain silent!".

At that moment, Number 1 whimpered softly. His eyes were wide, confusion and fear in them. He looked at the wing commander. " What did you do on my chair? Did you do anything illicite?". Foaly snickered. " You could say that. She might have had _coitus _on your chair". " Coitus, sex, intercourse" Number 1 automatically said. He still wasn't entirely used to his expanded vocubulary and kept using synonyms all the time.

Number 1 bit his lip when he realized what he had said, his confusion obvious. He looked at the wing commander. " Why does Foaly thinks you had coitus on my chair, wing commander? Is he dilusive, fallacious, chemerical? How could he possibly think that?". Foaly snickered. " Oh please. I'm not fallacious. Tell him Raine, why I incline to think that?".

Vinyaya narrowed her eyes, her resemblance to a cat even greater than normal. An hissing, angry , hell cat that is. " Stop calling me Raine, civilian. You have no right to do so" she spoke through gritted teeth. She looked ready to attack Foaly. It should be impossible to attack him, considering she was bound, but one commander had already proven he could do the impossible. Why not another one?

Lucky for Foaly, who was making a sound between snickering and neighing, Number 1 interrupted her. " Wing commander? I don't understand, comprehend. Can you explain what is happening?" he said, looking worried and confused. Vinyaya sighed. " I would rather not to, but yes I can. Are you sure you want to hear this?". Number 1 nodded. Vinyaya sighed. " All right. I had an internal affair with Grub Kelp and we screwed on Holly's chair. Foaly suspects we did the same on your chair. We didn't. Happy now?" she said, sarcasm clear in her voice, and sending Foaly murderous glares.

Foaly was actually laughing so loud he was crying right now. It sounded really weird, like someone was being strangled. If he wouldn't be killed by one of the angry commanders, he might choke. Everyone ignored him, except the two commanders who sent him some angry glares, and Holly started trembling again. No doubt the images in her head were far from pretty. " Why... Why? WHY?" she kept repeating, looking shocked and disgusted. Artemis looked around with slight interest, his gaze shifting from Holly to the shivering Grub. Grub looked really, _really_ frightened. And he should be, because Vinyaya gave him a look more frightening then a thousand Butler's. Well figuratively , Butler is really scary to elves. Grub would be lucky if he would leave the room intact. The least he would have, were some broken bones.

Julius still looked shocked, disgusted and impressed at the same time. " Still can't believe Grub Kelp is the one to take the commander after all those years" he mumbled. Too bad Vinyaya caught what he said. She narrowed her eyes even more, her ears flat like a cat's would be when he was angry. " Excuse me commander Root? What did you just say?". Root looked up, straight into her piercing glare and froze. Like a deer in the headlights. Or an human covered in troll pheremones in front of a troll.

He swallowed, his expression one of utter fear. " N-nothing wing commander" he stammered. Even he was afraid of Vinyaya. And he should be. After all, what is more frightening than a _very _angry woman? Vinyaya looked ready to say something when Number 1 made a small sound. It was somewhere between a whimper and a sob.

When they all looked at him, they saw his eyes were locked at the wing commander's frame, looking shocked and frightened. " You.. Y-you?" he stammered. Vinyaya expression changed to one of slight embaressment when she caught his expression. She sighed. " I'm sorry" she said really softly.

No one said anything. Opal was too busy either choking in chocolate truffles or attempting to swallow them. And looking like the maniac she was. Artemis was following the conversation with slightly raised eyebrows, looking like.. well like himself frankly. Holly looked still shocked, whispering something about how she was going to take the longest shower ever _and_ needed a mindwipe.

Foaly was snickering and just being annoying. Grub, not unusual, looked ready to pie himself and faint. Julius was silent, still wary. And Vinyaya looked at Number 1 with slightly flushed cheeks. " I'm sorry" she said again, softly. Number 1 nodded, but didn't move. He looked ready to cry, tears forming in his eyes.

Zaahira saw it and sighed. She got up and walked towards him, pulling him into a warm embrace. She padded his back, whispering in his ear. " Calm down. I know it's horrible. Just ignore it. Sex is just a primal force, everyone has to deal with. I am here for you".

When he was calmed down a little, she pulled him towards a chair. " Please sit down. Do you want some tea? I will explain everything" she said. Number 1 nodded. " Y-yes please. Will you please leave the part a-about the wing commander out?" he asked, avoiding to look at Vinyaya who was still sending murderous glares towards Grub, like it was all his fault. Which it was.

Zaahira smiled. " Calm down wing commander. Just relax and-". " I _won't _relax. You are humuliating, annoying and infuriating us. You have kidnapped us, violated our privacy _and_ forced us to answer some rather personal questions. Holly and Number 1 almost had a breakdown thanks to you!" she hissed.

Grub seemed to shrink even more and started whimpering. Number 1 widened his eyes, staring at Vinyaya. Foaly was still laughing, unable to stop. Julius just frowned and stared at the wing commander. Holly was still too shocked too do anything. And Artemis was an annoying brat who only raised his eyebrows slightly.

Zaahira smiled. " You remind me of my cat. With those eyes and you're behaviour. And I might have done that, but it isn't like I'm planning on doing something worse, like torturing you. So shut up". She snapped her fingers, cutting of the wing commander's next rant when an apple appeared in her mouth. Vinyaya was, once again, gagged. Sort of.

Zaahira looked around and smiled. " Okay. Listen everyone. The next one who talks without my permission, will be given to my uncle as labrat. Savvy?". When everyone nodded, she smiled brightly. " Great! Harkat, get our young friend some tea will you?".

Harkat immediately moved, leaving the room to get some tea. Zaahira sat down and looked at Number 1, who was still staring at the wing commander. She smiled at him and he blushed when he finally noticed. She offered him her hand. " Enchanté. How are you doing? I'm Zaahira , pleased to meet you" she said, winking. Number 1 seemed speechless for a moment, then placed a soft kiss on her hand. " Je suis très heureux de faire votre connaissance madame" he answered. " My name is Number 1. Well, most people call me that" he said.

Zaahira smiled. " I know your name. Which brings me to my first question. Have you already chosen another one? Number 1 is a bit impersonal, don't you think?". Number 1 nodded , still smiling. " I have a few ideas, yes. But I haven't chosen one just yet. I simply can't decide" he explained.

Zaahira smiled. " I understand. Names are very important. Powerful. If anyone was to know your true name, he would hold unbelieveable power over you". " What do you mean with true name?" Number 1 asked. Zaahira laughed softly. " Well, I mean the most secret, important name of all. The name that is entirely yours. Most people don't even know their true name. But when you do, guard it well. I know creatures who could easily torture you and do gruesome things to you when they knew your true name. And you would be powerless" she said.

Number 1 shivered, looking scared. " T-they would? Why would they? I didn't do anything wrong" he said. Zaahira sighed and shrugged. " Some creatures are like that. Some of the creatures I know, find great delight in torturing. But you're safe, so don't worry". Number 1 bit his lips. " You're sure? I really don't want those creatures to get me". Zaahira laughed. " Aren't you adoreable. But yes, you're safe. You don't even know your true name and as long as you don't promise people things you don't intend to give them, nothing will happen".

She looked down at her notebook and wrote something down. " All right. Back to my earlier question. Your name. Which one do you intend choose?". Number 1 shifted. " I really don't know" he sighed. " There are so many. Like Travis. Or Connor. Or Aland. Aldwin. So many names".

Zaahira nodded, empathy and understanding in her eyes. " Yeah. I get that. One of my aunts took four hundred years to choose her name" she said, frowning. Number 1 widened his eyes. " That's a long time! Which name did she choose?". Zaahira laughed. " She choose Evanna, but she has many names. Like lady of the wilderness. She is a sorceress, which is like a witch. But never call her a witch, because she hates that. She is really nice".

Number 1 smiled at her. " Excellent. Family is the most important, together with love and friends, thing in life right?". Zaahira nodded. " I do believe so. There are more valueable than any other thing. What about your family Number 1. What about the nice lady who always waved at you?". Number 1 seemed suprised she knew that, but his eyes immediately started shining. " She isn't just some lady. She is my mother" he said, pride in his voice.

Zaahira smiled brightly, at the same time writing something down. " How prodigious. I'm glad to hear. Do you live together now?". Number 1 nodded enthustically. " Yes, we do. We share a house and spend a lot of time together. She is really nice". Zaahira wrote something down and looked up with a warm smile. " I'm sure she is, if she has a son like you. Although you're mother didn't do it on her own, did she? You must have a father. Who is he? What is he like?".

Number 1 looked at the ground. " My dad is gone. For a long time already. I never knew him" he whispered, his voice trembling. Zaahira bent forward and lay an hand on his arm. " I'm so sorry. But at least you have your mother. She must be a great help to you".

Number 1 looked up and nodded. He still seemed sad, but already happier. After a deep breath, he continued. " She is. She is the best mother ever. We spent a lot of time together. She even helped me get over my fear for the dark". Zaahira smiled. " You were afraid of the dark? I used to, when I was little. I thought there were monsters in the dark. Or creatures that wanted to kidnapp me". " Oh the irony" Foaly snickered.

When Zaahira raised her hand and there were suddenly two spears pointed at him, he shut up. She smiled and focused on Number 1 again. " Was that your only fear?" she asked. Number 1 shrugged. " I have some fears. Some I don't know of, others I do know of. Are you afraid of anything?".

Zaahira smiled. " Not really. There is nothing to be afraid of, right. I mean- OH MY GOD! NOOOOO! SPIDER! SPIDER. SPIDEEEEEEEEER! IEK! GET IT OF. GET IT OF. GET. IT. OF" she screamed.

Everyone stared at Zaahira when she suddenly jumped up, flew through the air and landed on the chandelier, clinging to it like her life depended on it. She kept screaming, so loud the glasses broke.

While Zaahira was screaming like crazy, everyone looked at each other. Holly finally seemed to recover a little, probably enjoying Zaahira's screaming. " Huh. Not so brave and all-powerful after all" she said, snickering.

**My attempt at making Zaahira less like a Mary Sue. She has her weaknesses. Like spiders... *shudders***


	6. Shut up!

**Yah, I'm finally inspired ( sort of) to continue this. Somehow, I always get inspired in the middle of the night. Weird.. But it's probably because that's the time I am active. Yeah. Anyway, I sadly don't own Artemis Fowl. The amazing Eoin Colfer does. He is probably one of the first writers ever to write a good ending. Well, more or less. Enjoy!**

Everyone looked at Zaahira, hanging on to the chandelier and screaming like some army of evil zombies tried to get to her instead of a minuscule spider.

Number 1, who loved practically every animal including spiders, looked at her in confusion. " Why is the nice lady screaming, yelling, wailing?". Vinyaya snickered. " The nice lady, who isn't nice at _all _by the way, is screaming because of a little spider. Apparantly miss all-powerful is afraid of spiders".

She looked at Zaahira, who was still screaming and seemed ready to start crying. " _Really _scared". Artemis, who was grinning wolfishly, nodded. He looked very satisfied and a little bit like he had been when he was twelve, with an evil glint in his eyes. " That is a fact that is unerring. And quite amusing, if I might say".

Holly smiled, forgetting her chair for a moment. Or precisely, what had been _done _on that chair. " You're right Arty. It _is _amusing. Although I'm suuprised you find it amusing too. You don't have a lot of humor, after all".

Foaly was laughing like crazy, tears streaming down his face. " Spiders! Se-se-se- seriously?" was all he managed to say. He couldn't exactly talk.

Julius? Julius muttered " I need my cigars. They can calm me and make the screaming, insane girl disappear. Or actually they will calm me down".

And Opal had finally managed to swallow the truffles. And not choke in the progress, although she did look really red. But that was probably from anger. " Ha! That will teach you not to mock Opal Koboi, you fatuous, useless excuse of a smart person" she hissed, delighted at the sight of the screaming girl.

Everyone looked at her and spoke at the same time. " SHUT UP!" they said. Opal narrowed her eyes. " How dare you to speak to me like that! I'm the future empress of the world! You will all be my slaves someday. I-". " Stop predicting those idiotic hallicinations of you" Artemis interrupted her. " You are never going to be the future empress of the world, we will stop you any time. I will certainly not be your slave and the others won't either. And you wouldn't even be able to conquer the world, because you can get stopped by a twelve year old".

Opal was redder than a tomato by now. She pursed her lips, her eyes full of hate and anger. " That isn't fair! That twel year old was you and without that idiotic captain Short and the stupid dwarf, you would be dead. I would have destroyed you! I am going to destroy you, Artemis Fowl. And it's going to be _very _painfull and _very _slow".

She took a second to breathe before she continued. " I will vatch you and throw you in some cell filled with insects and every creature that carries diseases. Then, I will catch your family and closest friends and torture them while you have to watch and listen to their pleas. And after they have all been tortured, I will torture you in another way. I will burn your skin, but it won't kill you. I will poisin you, but you won't die. I will electrocute you, but you will survive it. I will torture you in any way possible until you are finally broken. _Then _I will kill you. Or maybe I will let you live, all alone and destroyed". Opal looked delighted at the idea of torturing Artemis. She was actually smiling, although there was still hate in her eyes.

Holly snorted and rolled her eyes. " Oh please, like you would be able to. Artemis is way too smart and he has his friends to help him stop you. How many times have we stopped you and your little plans? A bizillion times?". " That doesn't exist, you ignoramus! You poorly excuse of anything slightly referring to something smart! You-". " Insane, cruel, narcissitic, idiotic slut" Holly said to Opal, her eyes filled with some hate. She didn't look nearly as insane as Opal did though. Then again, Opal was insane and Holly wasn't.

"HOW DARE YOU! I AM NOT A SLUT!" Opal screamed, spitting and growling. She looked more like some rabid animal than the claimed empress right now.

" So you do admit you are insane, cruel, narcissitic and an idiot?" Artemis asked, his eyebrows slightly raised and smirking. Opal turned to him, even a brighter shade of red right now. " Shut up Fowl!" she hissed.

She wanted to turn to Holly again, but Artemis wouldn't let her. " No, I won't. I have no reason whatsoever to obey you. And I don't feel any need at all to shut up. I-". " Arty! Shut up!" Holly hissed. "Will shut up now" Artemis finished, even paler than usual now Holly was looking at him like she wanted to shoot him. Not that he understood the reason, but he was a genius after all. And being a genius, he knew one thing. If an angry woman tells you to shut up, obey if you value your life. So he did the only thing possible. He shut up.

Like all sane people in the room should, unless they wanted to face an angry Holly. Which seriously _ no one _wants. Not even someone who wants to commit suicide. Because commiting suicide is one thing. Facing an angry Holly? An _entirely _ different thing. That most likely ended with a lot of pain.

Sadly, Foaly didn't get the message. Again. While everyone else had the wits to remain silent, he _had _to comment. And use a nickname, his second mistake. "What is wrong, Holls? Enough of little Arty already? And I thought that you shared a moment passioné with him. Did he bore you that fast?" he snickered.

For a genius, Foaly was _really _stupid. Because he had been too busy with snickering and being proud of his comment to see the feral look in Holly's eyes. And understand he had crossed a line. And would pay.

The next thing he knew, Holly has somehow managed to escape and was on his lap, hitting him as hard as possible with her tiny hands. Or fists actually. And that hurt. A lot. Soon, Foaly was begging for mercy. " Holly! Stop it! Pleeeeease! Auch! Please. I begg you. Please!".

Holly finally stopped and bent forward, her face really close to his, still that wild look in her eyes. "Don't say that again donkey-boy. _Ever _"she hissed before she jumped graceful from his lap, leaving Foaly to tremble a little and nod enthusiastically. He didn't say anything, probably feeling it wasn't smart to do so.

" Was that necessary, prerequisite, si-" Number 1 asked, who was frowning. He hated violence.

" Yes. Yes, it was" Holly said really calmly. " It wasn;t, but that doesn't matter. Free us Holly" Artemis said, forgetting he should shut up. Holly looked at him, raising her eyebrows. " Did you say something? Like you just pointed out to crazy Koboi over there, I don't have to listen to you. You aren't emperor Artemis".

Artemis couldn't resist this. " I would be, if I wanted. And we don't have time for this. Free us now she is screaming". Holly rolled her eyes, but did walk towards him. " Wait a minute! Why are you freeing him first?" Foaly whinnied. He had apparantly forgotten he had to shut up too. This not being one of his beloved projects, he had quickly forgotten it. Only to be reminded of it when Holly looked at him like she was going to kill him.

" Never mind. Free the mudboy" he said quickly. And shut up, which was the best thing to do unless he wanted to anger Holly. And deal with her.

Holly looked at Number 1. " Come, get up and help me to free them" she said. Number 1 stared at her, with a confused look in his eyes. " Should I? Maybe miss Zaahira doesn't want me to and it's impolite, scurrilous, rud-". Holly sighed. " You should. We have to escape. Zaahira is crazy. Just help me, now she is distracted and-".

She was interrupted when Harkat suddenly walked towards her and picked her up. " D'arvit! Let go of me, you freak!" she said. Harkat ignored her, of course. He just walked towards her chair. Number 1 looked at her and frowned. " Why are you doing that? You're ignoring her too! That is disrespectful, insolent, rude. Let her go!".

Harkat still didn't listen, at which number 1 started to get up, and practically htrew Holly in her chair. And bound her again. Number 1 walked towards Harkat when he saw this. " Now you're going too far! You harmed, hurt, marred her. How dare you! You-".

Harkat suddenly picked Number 1 up and, while evryone was watching, threw him in his chair and tied him too. Number 1 wanted to say something, but Harkat put an apple in his mouth. And walked towards Opal to put an apple in her mouth before standing perfectly silent and still again.

Vinyaya frowned. " Wasn't that thing supposed to only follow orders? No one gave him an order". Julius frowned. " Maybe one of his orders is to keep us captured". Artemis smiled. " You could be right, but if this is the case, then why didn't he react when you attacked Foaly? Or when Holly attacked Foaly?". Holly shrugged. " Maybe he understands we have good reasons to attack him. Or finds Foaly annoying too".

Foaly pouted. " That's not a nice thing to say". He immediately shut up when he saw Holly's glance. Artemis frowned a little, probably annoyed he didn't know the answer. " I believe-".

"Is the spider gone?" they suddenly heard. They all looked up to see Zaahira clinging to the chandelier, looking _very _pale and _very _scared.

Vinyaya rolled her eyes. " Yes, the big, bad spider is gone. It's safe. Or do I need to call your mommy?".

Zaahira didn't react, she just dropped down from the chandelier and landed on her feet. She looked around and carefully took a step towards her chair.

She looked at the chair, under it and every place next to it before she cautiously sat down. And still didn't look comfortable. She was really tense, like she was ready to flee every minute.

Everyone looked at her with raised eyebrows and an amused expression. " I really hate spiders. I don't even know why" Zaahira said when she saw their faces. Foaly snorted. " Why would you be so afraid of spiders when you have so much powers and are so much bigger?".

Zaahira shivered. " Because they are awful! I hate them. And stop the questions already, remember the rule!". Foaly wanted to continue, but after he saw the look on Zaahira's face ( which warned him it was obtuse to continue) he decided he had pissed enough women off for today.

Zaahira smiled, going back to her sunny behaviour from before. " Great! Let's continue the interview, shall we?". " Rather not" Julius muttered. Zaahira sighed. " Commander, shut up. Smoke a cigar or something, just don't bother me".

Julius opened his mouth to respond to this , but Zaahira snapped her fingers and a gargantuan cigar appeared in his mouth. " There! Everyone silent now. Unless I ask you a question, of course! Lets-".

Zaahira stopped talking to look at a trembling Grub Kelp. Grub Kelp was paler than Artemis had ever been. Quite an achievement. He avoided Vinyaya's burning glare, but kept looking at her from the corners of his eye. He looked ready to throw up, wet himself and faint. Not necessarisily in that order.

Zaahira shook her head. " Right. Grub Kelp is clearly in no condition to answer my questions. So I will start with Opal Koboi!".

She snapped her fingers and the apple in Opal's mouth disappeared. What resulted in... words! " D'arvit! You bitch! Incompetent, foolish, worthless-". Zaahira waved her hand. " Whatever. Stop insulting me already, or I will put the apple back. Or something far worse".

Opal shut her mouth, very slowly, and looked at Zaahira. "Fine!" she hissed.

Zaahira smiled. " Great! You will get truffles for that. Later. Good girl! Now, my first question; are you in love with Foaly?".

**Oops haha! Only one (unanswered) question! But I just had to write it like this. It came to me. Hope you enjoyed nonetheless!**


	7. Parenting

**I don't own Artemis Fowl. Well, not until my brilliant, evil plan to replace Eion Colfer works that is. What? Evil Plan? Nooooo. You must have heard it wrong. I would never- On to the story! Enjoy!**

Zaahira looked at Opal's reaction with great interest. Opal turned very, very pale first. Even paler than Artemis, who looked like he had never seen the sun. Quite an achievement really, to be _that _pale.

After a few seconds, Opal suddenly turned from _very _pale to very, _very _red. This time it was a red that could compete with Julius color when he was angry. Redder than tomatoes. Redder than blood. Redder than Julius Root. Probably a new record. Also an achievement to be _that _red.

Opal opened her mouth, but no sound came out. For once in her life, Opal was absolutely stunned. She didn't know what to say, just opening and closing her mouth, holding a resemblance to a fish.

Zaahira giggled ( anyone else who find it annoying when people do that? ) and wrote something down in her notebook. "My simple question if Opal Koboi is in love with Foaly, centaur and fellow genius, has some very interesting results. From the results we can conclude miss Koboi indeed has feelings for our paranoid friend. He better watch out, now he has a maniac stalking him. "I-Im not stalking him!" Opal managed, stuttering a little. She held a slight resemblance with a very shy, very nervous schoolgirl. It made her seem almost normal. Almost.

Zaahira smiled. "Yet". Opal took a deep breath, still red but slowly regaining control over herself, and shook her head. "Of course not! Only obtuse, simple persona like you could believe I like that annoying centaur. Why by Frond would I like that idiot? He is paranoid, annoying, obtuse, cruel and mean!".

Zaahira looked at Foaly for a second, who looked speechless. " That isn't true"was all he managed, while staring at Opal like she had suddenly changed into the fairy god mother from Cinderella. Or grown a second head.

Zaahira crossed her legs, bending forward. " I get annoying and paranoid. All men are a bit obtuse. But why cruel and mean? After all, _you _were the one who tried to kill him. _You _were the one who ruined his reputation. _You _killed Julius Root, one of his friends and managed to make it look like his other friend, who he cares about a lot, killed him. You have made plans the past years to humiliate and kill him and his friends and destroy the people. Why on earth would you think he was the mean and cruel one? He hasn't done anything to make that logical".

Zaahira looked at Opal, who turned red again, with great interest. Holly nodded, her face grim. " Yes, where are you talking about? Crazy maniac? Foaly didn't anything. He is a great guy. He-".

"SHUT UP!" Opal suddenly screamed, her face red. Her whole body was tense, her eyes narrowed and her face even redder than Julius had ever managed. She looked angry, confused and pissed off.

Holly stopped talking, staring at Opal. Even though Holly knew Opal was crazy, this must seem weird to her. Everyone knew Opal hated the centaur, her rival, and was jealous of him. Still, this seemed very weird behaviour, even for her. It seemed more like she wanted to hide something, or like she was jealous.

Opal took a deep breath and closed her eyes. " Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me and forgiveness in my path. Peace be inside me, tolerance all round me and forgiveness in my path. Peace-". Vinyaya interrupted her. She rolled her eyes. " Really koboi? You think saying some words over and over again while help you become calm again. You're crazy! Nothing is going to help you, except going to an asyllum maybe. I-".

Opal opened her eyes, who seemed to glow a little and looked at Vinyaya like she wanted to burn her. Even Vinyaya was a little intimidated and remained silent for a second when she saw the look in Opal's eyes. The look that promised to make your life a living hell if you would dare to utter another word.

Despite the insanity in her eyes and her tense body, Opal's voice was calm. Restrained. " Your second death will be slow and painfull without any chance of return or hope" she said, smiling a little. The kind of smile you see in horror movies, right before the person smiling kills someone. The kind of smile only psychopates have and always means something bad is gonna happen.

Even Number 1 looked nervous and muttered " I don't like that lady", proving once again Opal Koboi was a crazy, manipulate bitch that was liked by no one. Well, not anymore that is. Trying to kill everyone around has that effect on people. They start to dislike you.

Vinyaya smirked, a sadistic and very Artemis-like smirk. She stared right into Opal's eyes. " And who is going to kill me? You? I don't know if you have noticed, but you're sort of tight up right now. You are in no position to make such threats. Besides, you can't fight and are all alone. No weapons. No minions. No nothing".

Opal smiled, a very creepy smile. Another creepy smile. Zaahira saw this and nodded before she wrote something down. " Opal seems to have mastered the evil smirk and smile. I really have to ask her to teach me that. It will be an excellent way to scare my siblings".

No one paid attention to Zaahora however. They were too busy watching the two women exchange insults. " Listen, you idiotic maniac! Your plans have failed, accept it. You're defeated". " Shut up, you poor excuse of a good commander, you foolish, incompetent _slut. _What do you know about it? I bet you have managed to get that job as wing commander by opening your legs for the first high-ranked man. It is the only way someone like you could have managed to actually achieve things like that".

Vinyaya got red, really red. Her eyes narrowed, her ears flat on her head, making her look like an angry cat. " Dare to say that again, you insult to our entire population. You idiotic, two-faced dog. You bitch, slut and stupid, useless _girl _. You don't know me and if one of us would do something like that, it would be you. You're pathetic. You call yourself a genius and yet, none of your plans worked" she hissed.

Opal looked equally mad. " How dare you! I _am _a genius, you idiot! You could have never stopped me! The only reason you obtuse idiots managed to stop me is because of sheer luck and that stupid mudboy" she hissed.

The two women stared at each other, both red and very, very angry. " They aren't going to fight, are they? Someone should stop, halt, terminate them. They might get hurt, bruised, mutilated" Number 1 said, gnawing at his lips. Holly chuckled. " Opal might. Without weapons, she doesn't stand a chance against Vinyaya. Have you ever seen her fight?".

Artemis nodded. " It is very likely Opal would get hurt , if the two women would ever fight. It is unlikely to happen now however, since they are bound. On the other hand, two people already managed to escape for some time".

Foaly rolled his eyes. " Sharp observation Artemis. How did you come up with it?". Artemis smirked. " No need for the sarcasm Foaly, I'm just stating the facts".

Number 1 raised his hand, looking confused and a little firghtened. " The facts are that Foaly's girlfriend is going to fight, battle the nice commander, right?".

Everyone stared at him, even the wing commander and so-called girlfriend. The argument was forgotten, the upcoming fight too. Number 1 looked at his friends, suddenly nervous. " Did I say something wrong, amiss, untrue?" he said, looking down. Artemis shook his head, his eyebrows slightly raised. " No, you said something very... interesting".

He seemed to be the only one who hadn't lost speech momentarily. " Interesting, fascinating, intrig-"Number 1 said, even more nervous now everyone was staring at him".

"I"M NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!" Opal suddenly screamed, startling everyone. She looked at Foaly, who seemed stunned and didn't know what to say. " H-he he is a traitor! He pretended to be my friend and then ruined everything. He won the contest only because of his gender and he didn't even care it wasn't me! He was all proud and didn't even say he was sorry! I deserved it! I am the smartest! I am beautiful. I-I I DESERVE TO BE LOVED TOO!" she shrieked, her face red again.

She stopped talking, panting slightly. Foaly looked at her. " Opal, that's crazy. Well, you are crazy, but you get the point. I didn't betray you. I-". " YES YOU DID!" Opal shouted. She looked at the centaur with a emotion in her eyes she hadn't showed before; hurt. " You were supposed to be my friend! You were supposed to support me, to be nice to me. and you took away the only thing I wanted! It was so important to me and you ruined it! I HATE YOU!".

By this time, there were actually tears in Opal's eyes. Her body was shaking and she looked distressed and hurt. Everyone stared at her, unable to believe what they saw. Opal Konoi, the crazy, evil pixie that had tried to destroy an entire civilization, was crying?

Number 1 was the first to say something, his voice warm. He knew who Opal was, but he had the strong believe everyone had good in him. " Crying is a sign of sadness, grief, misery. Why are you crying, nice lady?". Apparently he had already forgotten his claim he didn't like her. It was just the way he was, friendly to everyone.

Vinyaya rolled her eyes. " She isn't nice Number 1, she is very, very mean". Opal looked at her, her eyes still filled with tears. She looked more like a broken girl than a evil genius. " Shut up already will you?" she said, but her voice seemed to break.

Opal didn't really seem that crazy anymore. She seemed like a normal, but very sad woman. Number 1 looked at Vinyaya. " That's not a nice thing to say!". " It's not really nice to try to bring an entire civilization to extinction either" Vinyaya said.

Number 1 pouted. " Maybe. But maybe she has changed". Artemis raised his eyebrows. " I can't postulate that. It is very unlikely, given her past".

Opal sighed, looking down. Number 1 looked at her again. " Come on miss Opal, don't cry, weep, sobb. I'm sure you're nice, from deep within". Opal looked up, tears streaming down her face. " That's not it. I don't care you don't think I'm nice. I care what _he _thought" she whispered.

Number 1 frowned. " Who?". Opal sighed again. " My dad. He always thought I couldn't do anything. That all I could and should do , was marry some wealthy man and bear him some children. But I can so much more. He was obtuse, annoying, mean..".

Zaahira bent forward. " Another person you consider mean? Why do you think so?". Opal looked at Zaahira, the sadness in her eyes now replaced with anger. " Because he was! He thought I was useless, just because I was a girl. He thought I didn't have a purpose except staying at home and taking care of a family. He is just like all those other, ignorant males! They don't see my potential!" she hissed.

Zaahira blinked slowly. " Wow. A confession. Sort of. What a mood swings miss Koboi. I would almost think you're pregnant. And you don't have to be mad at me, believe me I agree with you on some points. But the fact that males can be so stupid and think they are better than women, isn't a reason to go crazy is it? Or has something happened in your childhood that made you crazy?".

Opal gritted her teeth. " None of your business! Leave me alone!". Zaahira sighed. " I can't. I need answers. Besides, I thought you might want to talk. You said already some very interesting things. And suprised me by crying. That is not like you, is it?".

Opal shot Zaahira another angry glare. " Shut up you moron! You do realize I will eventually succeed and destroy you, along with all those stupid fairies? Beginning with Holly Short and her little mudman".

Zaahira snickered. " He isn't exactly little. Which reminds me..". She looked at Holly and winked. " Already decided if it is something positive?".

Julius narrowed his eyes, looking at Holly who started to blush. " Decided what?". Zaahira shrugged, smiling misschieviously. " Oh nothing commander. You're precious Holly and Artemis Fowl just have become great... friends in the past years. The years you weren't there to protect your precious Holly".

Julius turned an impressive shade of red. " She is not my Holly! I warn you hu-. Wait a minute". He looked at Holly. " What exactly does she mean Short? What exactly has happened in the years I was gone?".

Holly blushed again. " Nothing commander". She tried very hard to keep herself from blushing, but her face kept getting redder now Julius was looking at her like that.

Julius narrowed his eyes. " Don't lie to me Short! I just _know _something has happened! If that human has hurt you, I will-".

Zaahira rolled her eyes. " Calm down daddy bear. Artemis hasn't done anything. Well, not really. Holly made the first move. They went back in time and-". " _Shut up" H_olly hissed, looking panicked. She obviously wanted to avoid this conversation.

Vinyaya narrowed her eyes and looked at Holly, who was blushing and looked very uncomfortable. She looked at Artemis from her eyecorners. " What exactly has that pestering mudboy done?" she asked Zaahira.

Zaahira cooed. " Aw! Look at you and Julius!". " Don't call me Julius!" Julius said, his face a new shade of red. " And tell me what that mudman has done to Holly! So I can kick his worthless ass!".

Zaahira snickered. " Good one commander. Look at you and the wing commander! you two are acting like Holly's parents. Aw! So cute".

Grub winced. " What? But they can't be a couple" he protested, finally daring to say something. " I am against it! I-". Vinyaya slowly turned her head until she looked at Grub, who immediately paled and went silent. " Kelp?". " Y-yes?". "Shut the fuck up!". " B-but.." he started. And then he saw the feral look in Vinyaya's eyes. " Y-yes m'am". He looked at the ground again, whimpering a little.

Vinyaya took a deep breath, looking at Zaahira again. " What is going on between Holly and the mudboy?". Holly tried it one more time. " Nothing commander, really. Artemis and I are friends, that true, but-". Vinyaya looked her way. " Holly?". "Yes?". " Shut up, will you?". Holly swallowed. " B-but I?".

Vinyaya ignored her and turned to Zaahira again. " Well? Are you going to tell us?". Julius nodded. He kept looking at Artemis, or more precisely his throat. " I want to hear the reason I am going to strangle him".

Artemis raised his eyebrows. " Now Julius, don't you think that you are being a little harsh? You might not know it, but I have helped the people a few times". " I don't care mudboy. I swear, if you have laid as much as a finger on Holly, you're dead. I promise you. And don't call me Julius!".

Artemis sighed. " Please commander, I didn't do anything, really. I-". " Got kissed by Holly when they went back in time" Zaahira said, smiling. " Oh and Holly thinks he has a gorgeous ass. And I wanted to know if she already thought the height problem is something positive, considering it means his equipment will be big. Bigger is better, right?".

Holly blushed, Artemis paled and blushed. Number 1, Opal and Foaly stared at the two of them. And Vinyaya and Julius looked at each other before turning _very _red. " What?!". " FOWL!".

**All right , that was chapter 7. Yay! Sorry for the oocness of Opal, I just had to do that :) It isn't really like her to start crying, but I just had the idea and this is how it worked out. **


	8. A confession

**Hello everyone.. I'm very sad. I just discovered something terrible :( I don't own Artemis Fowl. I don't own any of the characters. Not arty, Holly, Juliet, Mulch, Julius Root, Raine Vinyaya and so on... No one. I don't own any of them. *Sigh*. Well, at least I have this story. This one is slightly Artemis' pov. Slightly. Enjoy!**

Vinyaya and Root looked at Artemis with a very feral look. It was the kind of look any wild animal would give you when you was senseless enough to come too close to their children . And that would be the last thing you saw, because the next moment said animal would kill you. And you wouldn't even have time to scream.

That exact same look was shot in the direction of Artemis. By two people at the same time. Even Artemis felt threatened, his instincts screaming danger at him. He turned even paler and swallowed with difficulty. His eyes got a haunted look. His entire body was tense, ready to flee. If his expression was any indication, he was already contemplating a plan. A plan to escape the torture that soon would be his.

Every human with common sense would say it was impossible for Vinyaya and Root to harm him. And normally, it would be. They were tied up, any chance of escape cut off. So normally, they shouldn't be able to hurt him. Except they weren't just normal people. No, they were both commanders, deadly and dangerous. Two very different concepts. Dangerous doesn't necessarily mean you will die. Deadly does though. And that was exactly the reason Artemis had that haunted look; he knew what they were capable off. And he also knew they wouldn't let him get away with this.

Holly was like a, their, child to them. They would do anything to protect her. And in their minds, Artemis had put her in danger. He was a threat to 'their' Holly. So he must be eliminated.

And if _their _faces were any indication, that was exactly what they would do. They would kill him, slowly and _very _painful. So painful he would wish for death, since that would mean the pain would stop.

Vinyaya was the first one to speak, her voice cold and threatening. She still looked at Artemis like she wanted to ripp his heart out of his chest. Which she probably did want to. She wasn't exactly the sort of woman that solved problems with talking. Problems like did, she solved with violence.

And she might be smaller than Artemis, but he wouldn't have a chance. She could take him easily. Without Butler, Artemis was as good as helpless. He might be a genius, but he wasn't exactly well built. He didn't really have a muscular body. He would lose before he even had the chance to ask for mercy. And both him and Vinyaya knew this.

" Fowl. Mudboy. You. Are. Dead." was all Vinyaya said. But she didn't have to say anymore. Her tone, body language and feral look were enough to make Artemis more scared than ever. His face was paler than ever, so pale it could compete with the color of snow, his entire body was tense, he was trembling and his eyes were wide with fear. This only lasted for a second however. Artemis regained control about his body and his face became an emotionless mask again. The sweat on his brow betrayed him however; he was still scared. He just didn't want to show it.

He smirked, his notorious vampire smirk ( and be honest, he looked more like a vampire than ever, now he was _that _pale). " Really wing commander? I thought your kind, except the crazy ones, were peacefull? I always speculated your kind wouldn't harm someone without a reputable reason. You disappoint me wing commander and-". " _Shut up_" Vinyaya hissed, looking more like a cat than ever. Her ears were flat, her eyes narrowed, she showed her incisors at Artemis, almost growling. But not quite yet.

" Yes mudboy. You better shut up" Julius Root said, his voice cold. He looked at Artemis like he wanted to torture him. Like he wouldn't be satisfied until Artemis was broken. Until Artemis begged for mercy.

And honestly, Artemis already wanted too. The looks he received from the two commanders were enough to make almost every person run away. Screaming. The only people who wouldn't run were either paralyzed or didn't have a brain. Because every creature that only held the slightest piece of intelligence in possesion would run when he received that look. It was enough to make someone get a heart attack from pure fear. The only reason Artemis didn't start crying, begging or pied himself was the fact he was Artemis Fowl the second . And Artemis Fowl the second didn't cry, begg or pie himself. He would never humuliate himself like that. He did, however, start sweating. And couldn't keep his face emotionless, not entirely. If you studied him, you could see the fear in his eyes. And if you knew him, you would know this was a huge display of emotion for him. He never really showed emotions. And now he did. That already showed exaclty how scared he was.

Holly saw the fear in Artemis eyes and decided she had to help him. She couldn't let her friend suffer. She looked at the two commanders. " Commanders, please be logical. Arty- I mean Artemis didn't do anything. Can't we just forget this and move on? I-". And that was the moment she frooze. Because the two commanders stopped looking at their prey for a moment to give Holly _the _look. The I'm-so-disappointed-and-how-could-you-do-it look.

Holly swallowed. If their was anything she hated, it was disappointing these two people. And now she had. Vinyaya sighed. " Really Holly? You think he is innocent? He must have used manipulation to make you kiss him. He is selfish, cruel and would do anything to get what he wants. You really want that as a friend, Holly?".

" I would never do that! I didn't manipulate Holly, I-" Artemis protested. Holly cut him off. " You did Artemis. You might have nothing to do with the- you know. But you did manipulate me Artemis. You lied to me. You made me believe I had caused you mother's illness. You put me and everyone else in danger. If you hadn't forced me to go to the past, Opal's plan wouldn't have worked".

Artemis looked at the ground, embaressed, when he saw the look in the eyes of his best friend. It made him embaressed, sad, ashamed and angry. Embaressed because he had used her, and had done it without really thinking about it. Even if it had been to save his mother, it had been wrong. It had been the worst mistake of his life. And he had made a lot of mistakes.

Sad because he didn't want Holly to be hurt. He cared too much. Ashamed, because he hadn't thought about her feelings. And the fact that he had been trying to save his mother didn't justify it. He had still hurt her and it had almost ruined their friendship. A friendship that might be more valuable and powerful than any gold could ever be.

And angry, oh he was so angry. But not at her. At himself. He , a genius, had been so stupid! He had almost ruined everything, almost lost _her_. And he knew he couldn't live without her. Without her, he would be than lonely boy again. He needed her.

He looked at her, at her beautiful eyes and felt incredibly sorry. " Holly. Please, I never intended to hurt you. I'm sorry. I know it doesn't justify it or make you feel better, but I only did it to liberate my mother. And it was obtuse of me to forget about the consequences it would have. No, not forget. To hope- to hope there wouldn't be any".

Holly stared at him; probably stunned by his confession. The others looked equally suprised. Artemis almost never showed his feelings and on the rare ocassions he did, he only did it in the company of a few very close friends.

Foaly raised his eyebrows. " Artemis. You suprise us. Has our fair captain actually succeeded in making something resembling a decent guy of you?". He smiled. " Or was our good friend Orion right? Do you really have feelings for Holly? I just hope you aren't going to ask her to search for your birth mark". Foaly snickered, obviously liking his pun.

Root and Vinyaya, who had already been dead at the moment Orion came into existence ( or rather, Artemis changed into Orion), looked very confused. " Were on earth is that annoying centaur speaking about, mudboy?".

Artemis cleared his throat, becoming businesslike again. " Long after your death commander, I was infected by the Atlantis complex. I reckon you know what that is? It was a result of the guilt I felt-". " Guilt? You? Oh please mudboy, we all know you barely know the definition of guilt" Root interrupted.

Artemis sighed. " I do actually. It's remorseful awareness of having done something wrong, according to the free dictionary, which I memorized at the age of three" he said with a smug look.

Vinyaya rolled her eyes. " Stop looking so smug already mudboy. Being the the genius you are, you know very well what he meant. And I agree with him, I don't believe you are capable of feeling guilty, you _human _". She spoke the word human like it was the worst insult in the history of insults. Which it probably was to her.

Artemis raised his eyebrows. " Of course I am capable of experiencing guilt wing commander. That is only logical. But I contemplate what you are trying to tell me. And honestly, I'm not suprised you and commander Root share that opinion. You have reason to, after all. In the past, my standards were low. But I have changed. And I feel very guilty about what I have done to her".

" You should be! Kissing her! It's disgusting mudboy. How dared you?!" Root spat, his face red like ever. Zaahira, who had been suspisciously quiet all this time, smiled. " He didn't kiss her commander. It was the other way around. _Holly _kissed _him. _I already told you that. Pay attention".

Root gave Zaahira an angry glance before he turned to Holly. " Is this true Short? You willingly kissed a mudman?" he spat, disbelief and disgust clear on his face. " So now I'm suddenly a mud_man" _Artemis muttered, but no one paid attention to him. Well Vinyaya gave him another angry look, but she had been doing that all the time.

Everyone focused on Holly, waiting her answer. Holly turned red. She didn't say anything, but her expression told everything the two commanders needed to know.

Vinyaya looked stunned. " You kissed him? _Willingly? _Why on earth would you do that?". " You kissed Grub Kelp! And did something _horrible _on my chair. How could _you _do that?!" Holly said. Vinyaya laughed softly. " Oh no, that won't work Holly. Don't try reverse psychology on me. It won't work. Besides, what I did is nothing compared to what you did".

" I think it is really, really disgusting, repulsive, repugnant. Which isn't nothing, cipher, nix" Number 1 said, looking confused and disgusted.

Vinyaya ignored him. She was focused on Holly, who wore an expression that was a combination of guilt, offence and stubborness. Very much the expression of a rebellious teenager. She snorted. " It's nothing? It's _nothing. _I sit on that chair! _Every _day!". " Well, stop complaining young lady! I know what you are trying and it won't work. I'm not easily fooled. And now answer me!". "No!". " Holly Short! Answer me this instant!". "You aren't my boss!". " Oh yes I am"! " You aren't, not anymore!". " Holly!". " It is none of your business!". " It is ! And now tell me!". " I don't want to!". " I don't care what you want. You don't have a choice!". " Fine! But you're mean!". " Just _tell _me!". " I kissed him because... because I _like _him. He is smart, kind, handsome, makes me laugh and genuinely cares for me! He is also manipulative, cunning, cruel and a mudman. But it doesn't matter, because I LOVE HIM!".

Holly screamed the last part, her face red. Everyone stared at her, their mouths open. Root looked pale for once, instead of red. He would probably get a heartattack any minute. Foaly's expression told everyone he was torn between the desire to laugh or be very, very disgusted.

Number 1 looked happy. He just was that kind of guy. He didn't even see any disadvantages.

Opal was smiling, but it was a sardonic smile. She knew what this meant and enjoyed the pain it would cause Holly. The pain she would feel when Artemis would leave before her. Or when she would be exiled.

Vinyaya looked shocked, disgusted, sad and angry. Grub just looked shocked.

And Zaahira got up, threw her arms in the air and shouted " Yes! She said it. I knew it! You two are sooooo cute!. And that was the moment Holly realized what she had just said.

**Haha. Just had to do this. I love A/H. Next time; what will be Artemis' reaction to her confession? **


	9. Simple Craziness

**I don't own Artemis Fowl. I don't own the series or the mudboy/man himself. Well technically, he is Artemis Fowl the **_**second, **_**but whatever. My point; I don't own Artemis Fowl. Enjoy!**

Holly froze, her face changing colors rapidly. First it was pale and she seemed to stop breathing, then it suddenly turned red, really red. With her eyes widened, her mouth slightly open and her entire body tense, Holly looked very amusing. And shocked. She obviously hadn't meant to reveal so much.

And she must be very confused about it, since she had freaked a little while she was normally calm and controlled, apart from anger outburst, which made her the great officer she was. But right now, she hadn't been. Elfs are very emotional creatures and are emotions had taken control, something that didn't happen often. Luckily.

Zaahira smiled, literally bouncing. She was squeeling, muttering things to herself. " Great. Another maniac on the loose" Foaly mumbled. No one paid attention to him however. They were too busy looking at Holly. And Zaahira, who was still bouncing and laughing, gyrating and who-knows-what.

Honestly, she looked even crazier than Opal at the moment. She just had this weird look in her eyes, this savage look. she was focused on Artemis and Holly, giggling all the time. Even Opal looked a little bit distressed. And Opal never felt distressed by another person, unless they could ruin her plans/

Opal was still smiling and enjoying Holly's discomfort, but she also looked slightly worried. Opal might be crazy, but she was also a genius. She immediately recognized a crazy person when she saw one. Funny, she never recognized herself. You would imagine she would recognize the craziness in her own eyes every time she looked in the mirror. But then again, crazy people never knew they were crazy. They just believed the rest of the world was crazy and they weren't.

Opal looked at Zaahira again, growing more worried by each passing minute. Zaahira kept gyrating and bouncing, generally acting really weird. Well, weirder than before. And she had already been weird before she started the gyrating and all.

Opal cleared her throat. " Shouldn't we endeavor to do something? Like escaping. Or at least punishing her for stealing my truffles! That was just mean". Vinyaya looked at Vinyaya, slowly blinking. " One of my best people and a close friend has lost her mind and is in love with a mudman. We have been kidnapped. We are being tortured, interrogated and humiliated. And the cause of all this, is clearly crazy and thus unpredictable, meaning she could choose to kill us any minute and all you care about is _truffles?". _

Vinyaya looked really angry at the end of her speech, but Opal wasn't affected. She shrugged. " Yes. Why would I care about Holly? I hate her. She is a despicable little elf. She deserves to be exiled, devasted , broken. I will escape, because I'm smart, other than you imperceptive people. So basically, I will escape and you will be left here, at the mercy of a madman. Delightful!". Opal sounded rather happy, her eyes shining again. She looked like herself again; no longer a shy schoolgirl or something else. Just good, old crazy Opal. Welcome back!

Number 1 pouted. " You shouldn't say, announce, convey that miss Koboi. You should care, like we all should". Opal snorted. " Why would I care, little demon? They are incompetent, imperceptive people. They have nothing to offer to the world. The world is likely a better place without them".

Holly seemed to regain some of her confidence when she heard Opal talk about her like that. " Really Opal? I'm curious, what do _you _have the world to offer? Because you keep claiming we are obtuse and worthless and all, but you haven't done anything good. While I and Artemis have been saving the world, you tried to ruin it".

Opal laughed bitterly. " Oh please Short, spare me your nonsense. I wasn't trying to destroy the world. I was trying to built a new world, a _better _world. It is the same concept of the phoenix raising from his ash. I will be the mighty phoenix , and I will see who the ask will be" Opal shrieked.

Artemis raised his eyebrows. " I highly doubt you will ever achieve anything alike Opal. It is sad but your genius isn't enough. Your mental health is of importantce too and your is very, very poorly. You should try to do something about that first" he said.

Before Opal could reply, Zaahira stopped bouncing and flung at Holly, wrapping her arms around Holly. " Oh, I am so happy! Congratulations for you both! When is the wedding? Or do you still need to engage? What was the exact moment you knew? What is so great about him? Are you glad? Did you already take it to second base? Are you going to marry? What names will your children have? Maybe Artemis, but then it would have to be Artemis the third and if it is a son, the name wouldn't be perfect, because it is a girl's name. We have to do something about it , don't you think? Or do you not mind?".

Zaahira started talking faster, coming up with more and more questions. She looked really excited while all the others looked shocked, disgusted or worried. Finally, Holly couldn't take t anymore. " STOP!" she screamed. " Enough! You obnoxious girl, shut up! I said something I shouldn't have said, all right? Even if I were in love with Artemis Fowl, it would impossible. We _already _told you. If you would actually or use your brain so you are actually capable of anything instead of just serving the web, you would have heard it. SO START LISTENING! WE ARE ONLY FRIENDS" she screamed.

The rest was pretty impressed by her anger outburst. Zaahira stared at Holly for about 5 secnd before squealing; " Oh my gosh, you're pregnant! You and Artemis Fowl are getting cute, little Artemis's and Holly's! Yes! That is sooo amazing! And my mom said dreams wouldn't come true".

She barely had time to finish her squealing before helll broke out. "WHAT!" everyone, except Holly, Artemis, and Number 1 screamed. Well, Opal didn't exactly scream what, she just started leaving really loud and creepy. Like you would expect some villian to do in a movie.

And Number 1 looked more confused than ever. " What ? I don't comprehend, understand, fathom it. What is going on? Why is everyone screaming?". His words went unheard though, because everyone was talking and no one hear him.

" Holly, you and the mudboy are pregnant ? Why didn't you tell me! I'm your best friend! " said Foaly, who looked happy, worried and disgusted at the same time. Grub kelp didn't say anything. He just stared at Holly, his mouth wide open and his eyes wide. He had actually turned greenish, probably because of the very disturbing images in his head.

" Please, say nothing has ever happened on my chair" he said, which was completely illogical since Artemis and Holly had never been in his room together.

" Holly Short! How could you?! It's disgusting. Do you know what the council will do as soon as they hear this? They will exile you, this will mean the end of your career, everything you have worked so hard for will be ruined because of some mudboy who can't keep his little horny hands of you!" Vinyaya hissed, giving Holly a disappointed look before looking at Artemis.

Artemis immediately frooze, a deer in the light expression on his face. Vinyaya didn't say anything except three words. " You. Are. Dead" was all she said. And all she had to say. It was more than enough.

Julius actually turned a specteculair shade of red , looking like his heart attack was on it's way. He was only focused on Artemis, giving Holly a look of disappointment before starting to scream at Artemis, one of his hobbies. " You mudboy! How dare you! Seducing my best officer, manipulating her! Your species are disgusting, treating other species like trash and fighting under yourselves. And just when I start to think you might have changed and are _very _slowly turning into an ally, you do this! You fool! I will have your heart ripped out for this! I will have you castrated, so you will learn to keep your hands of certain people. And I will have you arrested for rape, because that is the only way Holly would have cooperated" he barked, his face reddining. He was actually wheezing a little now, showing signs of a coming heart attack.

Artemis sighed. " Calm down commander, let me ellaborate this for you and-". " NO! I don't want you to ellaborate anything Artemis Fowl. I only want you to be punished for this! I want you crying like the boy you actually are". " Legally, I am-".

" SHUT UP!". Everyone looked at Holly now. She was still tied up of course, but that didn't mean she couldn't scream. And she had screamed. She looked around, a bewildered look on her face. " Listen you! I haven't done _anything. _I-".

Julius, still wheezing, nodded. " Of course you haven't done anything. It is all the mudboy's fault. He is the once who forced you, isn't he and-".

Holly narrowed her eyes. She clearly had enough of this. " That wasn't what I meant! I meant we didn't do anything. Nothing has happened. we're just friends". "You said you loved him" Vinyaya, still giving Artemis dirty glances, remarked.

Holly, this time red from embaressment, nodded. " I know. And I don't know why. But it will never be anyway, since it is impossible". She avoided to look at Artemis. Artemis sighed. " I couldn't agree more with Holly. An alliance between the two of is , indeed, impossible. Although I despise the thought to consider anything impossible".

Holly sighed, looking up. " See that is already a very good reason we could never be in a relationship. Artemis barely knows how feelings work and is sometimes so annoying I really want to shoot him. He wouldn't last a week". " I don't think you are correct Holly. I would survive longer than that since you have beared with me up until now too".

Holly rolled her eyes, her cheeks regaining their normal color again. " Only because I didn't have to see your face every day". Artemis raised his eyebrows. " And what would you have against my face? I rather like it".

Holly smirked. " I have nothing against your face, I have something against the person wearing it and gargantuan brain within". " You just insulted my brain, my genius, the very core of who I am Holly". " Don't be so dramatic Arty".

" I'm not being dramatic, I wasn't the one screaming I love him hard enough to be heard in Paris. Figuratively speaking of course". " Arty.. That's just mean". " I don't believe it is Holly. And-".

" What about the kiss then?" Vinyaya suddenly said, interrupting their bickering. She clearly had enough of this.

Artemis and Holly looked at her. Holly blushed slighlty. " What do you mean?". Vinyaya narrowed her eyes. " Why did you kiss him". Holly looked at the ground, feeling uncomfortable. " Because I thought he was drying. And I was confused and I didn't want him to die" she said.

Vinyaya frowned, confused. " But-". " It was a complex situation and it only happened because Holly was a pubescent with raging hormones again. That is the case, right Holly?" Artemis said.

Holly looked at him, regret in her eyes for a moment, and nodded. " Yes Arty, that is the case". Artemis nodded, trying to keep his cool composure. He didn't want Holly to see the painful expression he was wearing. No one noticed. No one ever did.

**Mmm. I'm not sure if I like this chapter. I was writing in the middle of the night when I was really tired so I might erase it later and replace it. I will just look at the reactions.**


	10. Fights, insults and innuendo's

**I don't own Artemis Fowl. The amazing Eoin Colfer does. And I'm not Eoin Colfer, meaning I do not own this. Savvy? Enjoy!**

Zaahira sighed. " And we are back to denial again. Will the two of you never learn? You two _belong _with each other". She sounded rather depressed and agitated at the same time.

Vinyaya snorted. "I highly doubt that. I don't think there is _any _girl Artemis Fowl belongs with. And if there is one, it certainly isn't Holly. She is too good for him.". Julius agreed with Vinyaya. "Exactly Rai- I mean commander" he corrected himself when he saw Vinyaya's expression. Despite the fact Julius hated it when people called him Julius, oh the irony!, he made the same mistake. He had almost called the wing commander by her first name, something she didn't approve of if her annoyed expression was any indication.

Julius cleared his throat. "Right. Anyway, Holly and that annoying mudboy will never be a couple. I will assure that".

Zaahira picked up her notebook, that she had dropped when she had gotten overexcited. "Really? And how, and why, are you going to do this?". " I am going to do this because the idea of Holly and the mudboy as a couple is ridiculous, disgusting, illegal-".

Artemis interrupted him. " Hold on a moment commander. Do you have any prove this is in fact felonious? I don't recall it is in your law. Holly might be frowned upon and exiled if the council would decide she has brought the people in danger, but I don't believe it is actually prohibited".

Julius looked at Artemis for a tenth of a second before ignoring his question. " Like I was saying, it is simply something that I will _never _allow to happen. And I don't even expect it to happen since Holly is a sane person. At least, that is what a report of her mental health has shown. And I don't know how I would stop them from becoming a couple, but I shouldn't have to. Why on earth would Holly wish to be _his _girlfriend?" Julius said, the his he was referring to, Currently occupied with trying to look hurt.

Artemis did a good job, with his slight pout and big, innocent eyes, but no one was fooled of course. After all, this Artemis _Fowl _we are talking about. He wasn't easily hurt and he wasn't innocent. At all. He was more the contrary of innocent.

"Really commander? I'm wounded. You make it sound like an affiliation with me would be a torment". "That is because it would be" Julius said, sounding actually serious. "I can't think of anything worse than that and I would never do something like that to Holly. It's just too cruel".

Artemis looked actually offended now. " You are exaggerating commander. I don't believe it would be that abhorrent to be involved in a relationship with me. Holly and I already have a friendship. You really think she would spent a vast amount of time with me if she found the idea so abhorrent?". Artemis smirked, his famous vampire smirk. He was, like always, convinced he was right.

Holly, annoyed he was acting this smug and arrogant again, cut in. " Maybe I don't, maybe I do. Why don't you just _ask _me instead of pretending you know everything, including my thoughts and emotions".

"Most of the time I do. You will have to acknowledge it has always been easy for me to read you. Admit it Holly, you are an open book to me" Artemis answered, still smirking.

Holly narrowed her eyes. She _didn't _like his assumption. "I wouldn't assume that Artemis. And I won't acknowledge anything, especially not of it would feed your _gargantuan _ego!" .

Zaahira chuckled. "Who knows which other parts of him are gargantuan. Wouldn't you like to find out Holly?". She winked at Holly, who looked a little surprised and confused. " Why would I? I already know" she said, blissfully ignorant to the true meaning of Zaahira's words.

Zaahira's smile grew wider, her eyes filled with mischief. "Do you? Well, please enlighten us. When exactly did you see him _naked? _".

Holly froze. " Naked? What- Why on earth would you think I saw him _naked_ ?!".

She looked at Artemis from her eyecorners for a moment. He was looking at her, and his expression told her how uncomfortable he was. It made her mind go back to that certain moment she had seen him almost naked. When he had only been wearing red armani boxers...

Zaahira smirked. "Darling, you had no idea to what I was referring did you?". "No, where on earth were you- Oh Frond!. Holly blushed when she understood Zaahira's innuendo. "Will you stop referring to _that _already!".

"Why? Are you already having trouble keeping it out of your thoughts?" Zaahira teased.

Holly tuned an even brighter shade of red, both from anger and embarrassment. "Of course not! I would _never _think about such a thing! He is just a boy and-".

Actually, considered he is human, he is already a _man _" Zaahira interrupted. Holly grunted. "I don't care! It is impossible and he is a mudman! I could _never _do such a thing. So stop making innuendo's!".

Zaahira chuckled. "Calm down. It was only a remark, you know. And I'm not the one who was thinking of him in his boxers, that time you two travelled back in time. And actually thinking you are sorry you never got to see what is beneath it".

Holly froze, this time only red from embarrassment. This must be the most embarressing situation of her life. To be caught having a certain kind of thoughts about a mudboy. And not just a mudboy, no Artemis Fowl.

Artemis blushed and froze too when Zaahira looked at him, her gaze resting on his lap for a moment, with a smirk. Vinyaya and Julius were red too, but it was certainly not from embarrassment.

"What! You are lying! Holly would never like a mudman! They killed her mother, by Frond!" Julius said. "You liar! Leave her alone! Seriously, when I manage to escape, you are DEAD!" Vinyaya hissed.

Zaahira smiled. "While good for me you won't be able then". Vinyaya narrowed her eyes. " I will escape and as soon as I do, I will make sure you learn not to kidnap people and D'arvit! Stop d-doing that!". Vinyaya cursed when she was once again attacked with some very cold water. She soon was shivering, although the cold water didn't manage to cool her down figuratively. She still looked very angry.

Zaahira smiled. "Now, if you will just shut up, so I can finish my conversation with Holly, that would be-". "You s-stupid d-d'arvit _human _"Vinyaya said, shivering uncontrollably. Her ears and face were read, but this time rather from the cold than anger. Vinyaya hated cold as much as other elves, maybe even more.

Zaahira sighed. "I'm not a human. I already told you. And now _shut up_ !". Before Vinyaya could say anything, probably a lot of swear words, Zaahira made some gesture and muttered something.

The next moment, a soft song was played and Vinyaya started yawning. Whatever the song exactly was, it definitely made her sleepy. "W-why would you play a s-song? It's…"that was as far as the wing commander got before she fell asleep.

Zaahira smiled, looking very pleased with herself. " What a little enchanted song can't do. And now, on with my interview. The wing commander won't bother us anymore".

Julius stared at Vinyaya, who was out cold. " What in Frond's name did you do with her!" he said. Zaahira sighed. " Calm down commander. She is just sleeping". " So she is only dozing, napping? She isn't. I mean, she is ..

" She is fine" Zaahira assured Number 1, who was unable to even say the word dead aloud. He looked really distressed, with his eyes wide and tears forming in it. He relaxed slightly at her words, but his worried expression stayed.

"Enchanted music? Why didn't we fall asleep then" Foaly commented. He had been laughing softly for the past minutes at Holly's horrified expression and Julius' remark. Now, he just looked curious. every chance of new knowledge made him enthusiastic. Even when he had been kidnapped.

Zaahira shrugged. " It's magic. I only wanted the wing commander to fall asleep, so I made sure it would only make her fall asleep. And will you all remain silent already?". "No! We won't! I won't let you harass one of the best people of the lower elements! I- Awrgh!".

Julius' speech was interrupted when Zaahira muttered something again and a cigar flew through the air to land in his mouth. A smoking cigar. Julius became a whole new shade of red, purple-blue-red to be precise, and started coughing.

He gasped for breath, slapping his chest. Foaly frowned. No matter how much he fought with the commander, or used to fight actually, he didn't want him dead. Again. One time was more than enough.

"Do something about that! He will suffocate if you don't!". Zaahira smiled. " All right, I will". The way she said it made Foaly wonder if he should have said anything at all. He had a feeling she wouldn't exactly help Julius.

With avery malicious expression on her face, she made another gesture and a bucket full of water occurred above the commander , lingering in the air before all the water came crashing down on the commander. Very cold water with fish in it. Fish that got in the commander's suit, making his eyes widen.

He made a weird strangling sound before attempting to get the fish out of his clothes. He wriggled, going crazy at the feeling of the cold, moist fish moving against the flesh of his back. "D'arvit! D'arvit! D'ARVIT! Get this fish OFF ME! "he screamed, now trying to get away from the fish. Which was impossible of course.

Foaly looked at the commander with a mix of amusement, guilt and surprise. Artemis smiled faintly. Number 1 frowned, looking like a lost puppy. He really didn't know what to think of all this anymore.

Opal was laughing, enjoying any form of discomfort, as long as it wasn't her discomfort. And Holly finally recovered from her little shock and smiled a bit. Who wouldn't when they saw their boss freaking out, cursing and screaming like a little girl? Especially a boss that had been mean and unfair sometimes. It had been to help her, but still.. He deserved some payback.

So Holly smiled while her former commander screamed and tried everything to lose the fish. He actually tried to kill the fish, despite being an animal lover, but it didn't work. "Commander! You almost killed the poor thing" Holly said, offended at the behalf of the poor fish.

The commander's only response was a set of very colourful curses. Curses that made Artemis widen his eyes, so it must be really bad if it had the ability to break Artemis' cool composure. That rarely happened.

When Julius actually hurt himself and small sparks of magic could be seen, Zaahira snapped her fingers. The fish immediately disappeared and Julius let out a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes for a moment before snapping them open to look at Zaahira, who wore a _really _big smile. A very creepy, big smile. "Sadist" he muttered when he saw that.

Zaahira shrugged. "Guilty. But I wasn't the only one laughing you know. Admit it Julius, it-". "DON'T CALL ME JULIUS, YOU CRAZY PERSON! YOU ANNOYING, FRUSTRATING MANIAC! YOU ARROGANT, BRAGGING GIRL. YOU-"

Before his insults actually became bad enough to insult her, Zaahira clapped her hands and muttered something that sounded like Latin. Immediately, a cloud appeared above Julius. He looked at it. "I'm not going to like this, am I?".

Zaahira chuckled. " Actually you are. Believe me , you will be laughing about this later. And in the present too".

Holly snickered. " I don't think so. Juli- I mean the commander hasn't laughed in two hundred years. A cloud isn't enough to make him laugh, it isn't even funny".

" Depends on the contents of that cloud" Artemis remarked. Zaahira smiled at him. "Exactly Artemis. Seriously, how smart are you exactly?".

Artemis smirked. " I never tell people how smart I exactly am. They would be too scared". And he was probably right about that. He could be rather creepy.

Before Zaahira could respond to that, they were interrupted by the sound of laughter. Really loud laughter. All people, minus Zaahira who knew what was happening, were stunned when they realized where the sound came from.

The source was commander Julius Root. He was laughing really loud, making all the people in the room very surprised. Foaly closed his mouth, which had been hanging open, and swallowed. " W-what? How did you do that!".

Zaahira smiled. " It is really easy Foaly, just think about Artemis 'remark". Foaly frowned, trying to recall that moment. It didn't take him long to realize what was going on. "That cloud".

Zaahira nodded. " It consists of Nitrous Oxide. Even Julius has to laugh when he breathes that in". Holly sighed. " Great. Another person who can never be just clear instead of using some difficult word to express their smartness. What does it mean?".

Number 1 smiled. " It means laughing gas Holly. I suppose it makes people laugh, since it is unlikely that the gas is laughing".

Foaly nodded. " It makes people laugh, but it has more uses. Surgeons use it. Dentists use it too. Human surgeons and dentists that is. The people are far more advanced".

" What do humans use it for? To make people feel better about having to undergo surgery, abscission?" Foaly laughed. Well, his version of a laugh that is. ": Not really".

" It has anaesthetic and analgesic effects" Artemis explained. Holly grunted. "Oh by Frond! Can't you people ever use normal words? What does that even mean!".

Zaahira snickered. "Anaesthetic means without sensation, if you translate it. You only had to use your gift of tongue for that miss Holly. It means laughing gas causes someone to lose consciousness and can have some other effects, like lack of pain, relaxed muscles and loss of memory. Savvy?".

Holly didn't respond, for she was too busy watching the commander. Her friend, the person that had taken on the role of her dad. Well, sort of.

She looked at Zaahira again. " This isn't dangerous is it?". Zaahira snorted. " Of course it isn't. Why would it be?". Holly shrugged. " You never know. Humans are as far as we are, their products have a lot of mistakes".

" You are infallible Holly, human designs contain mistakes. But your designs contain mistakes too. All designs do, no matter how advanced the product itself is or how skilled the maker" Artemis commented, trying to defend his race.

Zaahira snickered. " Some designs have _gargantuan _mistakes. Others are just gargantuan. Don't you think Holly?". Holly blushed a little, but she just folded her arms and gave Zaahira a cold glare. " I thought I had told you to stop using those innuendo's?" she said.

Zaahira smirked. " I never said it was an innuendo. What makes you think that? It doesn't really sound like one, maybe you are just dirty-minded". "No I am not! And don't think I don't know what you are doing!".

Zaahira widened her eyes, trying an I-am-so-innocent look. "W-what? Me? But miss Short, I'm innocent!" she protested. Holly wasn't fooled of course. If you looked closely, you saw Zaahira was smiling.

" You aren't! If you are innocent, then Opal is sane!". Opal raised her eyebrows. She was calm, for once. Not that it made her look any less insane. You just saw that she was from the weird, malicious glint in her eyes.

" I am sane, all the people around me are insane. They can't even see my potential". Foaly snickered. " Oh please. The only person that didn't acknowledge you were smart, was your father. The rest all praised you. You had everything you could want".

"I didn't !" Opal hissed. Foaly rolled his eyes. " You were rich, popular, respected and beautiful. What more could you want"? " More! I wanted more! I wanted to show you ignorant, arrogant _males _I meant something. That I was better than you. I wanted all you obtuse males to bow for me, to show me the respect I deserve!" she spat.

" The only thing you deserve is a place in jail!". Opal froze at his words. Her composure changed from restrained anger to madness and anger. And hurt. " How dare you! I am better than you! I deserve respect! I deserve to be called beautiful! I deserve to mean something! You obnoxious, obtuse, arrogant, worthless idiotic CENTAUR!".

She screamed the last, very insulting part. Only Foaly 's friends were allowed to call him centaur. And Opal was definitely not his friend. Not anymore that is. Foaly narrowed his eyes, actually looking really mad.

" Don't call me that _pixie! _". "Idiot!". " Maniac!". ""Weirdo!". "Paranoid!". " You poor excuse of anything resembling something worthy!". The insults went on for some time, Foaly and Opal both trying to offend the other as much as possible. It wasn't really like Foaly to do anything like this, but he had enough of Opal. His patience and self-control were gone.

Zaahira smiled. "Aw. Young love" she said. Artemis raised his eyebrows. "Where on earth are you talking about? Isn't it clear to you that they are enemies. Especially Opal hates Foaly".

Zaahira smiled. "Oh, you poor naïve Artemis. They don't hate each other! They just don't know how to express their feelings!".

Opal screamed. "You foolish, annoying, pain in the butt! I HATE you"!. And some _very _bad swearwords, that made even Holly flinch. "I would think she does know how to express her feelings" she said.

Zaahira shrugged. " She just doesn't know she loves him yet. She will see. Eventually. Just like you".

Holly rolled her eyes. " Sure and afterwards, we will all be friends and ride on the rainbow". Zaahira snickered. " You will see".

Number one winced. " We have to stop them! I don't want to hear any more insults. Can't they just be friends, confidants, companions again?". Artemis raised his eyebrows. " Why makes you believe they ever were acquaintances in the first place?".

Zaahira smiled. "He is right. They were. But I have to shut up the lovebirds, I want to continue my interview". "Oh joy" Holly remarked. Zaahira ignored her.

She snapped her fingers again and Opal's mouth was stuffed with truffles. She focused at Foaly. "I trust you to shut up without me having to put an apple in your mouth. Agreed?".

Foally nodded and looked at Julius, who was still forced to laugh. " Shouldn_'_t you help him? He has been laughing for ages. I don't believe it is healthy. And honestly, it's creepy to see him laugh".

Zaahira looked at Julius. He was redder than ever, gasping for breath, tears streaming down his face. "Yeah, I probably should. And it is really creepy. No wonder he almost never laughs, it's unnerving. If he would laugh more, he would scare the shit out of everyone. Quite literally".

Foaly snickered. "That would be a sight to behold". Zaahira snapped her fingers one more time and Julius stopped laughing. And fell immediately asleep. Or lost consciousness. It wasn't really clear.

Zaahira clapped her hands. "Let's continue this". Before anyone could react, she knocked on the table, and everyone except Opal suddenly had an apple in their mouth.

Zaahira turned to Opal, who had somehow managed to swallow all the truffles. "So. Let's continue the interview, shall we?".

Opal took a deep breath, but not to calm herself. No, to have more air, so she could yell better. "You idiotic, obtuse, little, crazy, kidnapping, worthless, ugly person! You will pay for this!" she yelled.

She opened her mouth, taking another deep breath, but Zaahira cut her off. "Stop the yelling already. It won't help you anyway. Just answer my questions all right?". "Why would I?" Opal hissed.

Zaahira rested her chin in her hand, putting on a thinking expression. " Mm. I don't know. Maybe because if you don't, I will break you, using all my knowledge of torture to make you beg for mercy which you won't find?". Opal stared at Zaahira, speechless for a moment. " And don't think I am not capable of doing exactly that. I am. _So answer my questions! _".

The last sentence, her voice seemed to change along with her eyes. Opal's expression softened and she smiled. " Of course. Ask your questions".

Zaahira smiled. "Wonderful! My first question is; are you highly gifted". "I'm gifted with the beauty of a goddess and the IQ of a true genius. But no, I am not. I'm a genius, that is better than highly gifted". Zaahira rolled her eyes. "Yes and your ego is at least as big as your IQ".

" An IQ isn't big, it is high. So you can't make that comparism " Opal remarked. Zaahira sighed. "Sure. Next question! What is your favourite colour?".

Opal raised her eyebrows. " That is a horrible question, so dilettante. But I will answer it. I don't have a favourite one. It changes every day. Which one it has to with my mood and other factors, like what I am wearing".

Zaahira wrote something down in her notebook. " Opal's favourite colour doesn't exist, since she has a various one every day. Like always, she is very annoying about this".

Opal narrowed her eyes, her elfin ears hearing the whispered words. Zaahira smiled at her. " What? It is the truth you know. The truth hurts".

Zaahira sighed when she saw how Opal looked at her. Like she wanted to strangle her. At the very least. " Fine. My apologies. Next question!

**I will stop here :) Just feels right. The next chapter will have a new guest. A French one...**


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